It was TV’s 1960s high-school beatnik, Maynard G. Krebs — the G. was for Walter — who would exclaim, “What an age we live in!”
We still do. Last night, Americans gathered in front of TVs to hear the truth, as finally told by Lance Armstrong. That’s right, the truth now comes with commercial sponsors — detergents, SUVs and stuff you smear on your face to cover blemishes.
For starters, give Oprah Winfrey credit for not milking an interview that would fill consecutive prime times on her somewhat obscure network.
Heck, last night she served the meat and potatoes in the first three minutes when she asked, point-blank, for Armstrong to answer yes or no to having done the following in winning seven consecutive Tours de France:
1) Used banned substances?
2) Specifically used the banned substance EPO?
3) Engaged in blood doping or performance- enhancing transfusions?
4) Ever use any other banned substances, specifically “testosterone, cortisone or human growth hormone?”
To each question, Armstrong nodded, then answered, “Yes.”
A half-hour in, it sounded more like a confession than an apology, but, hey, it sure beat lying. And as Armstrong said, “I’m out of the business of calling others a liar.”
So what we knew years before Armstrong won his first Tour de France — that world-class cycling already was lousy with dopers, cheaters; that wherever big money goes, whatever-it-takes follows — became both the start of the interview and the end of the story.
That’s what we don’t get about Armstrong. If everyone did it, why would we believe that the very best of the bunch didn’t?
What was the motivation of an entire sport to call its greatest star — its golden goose — a cheater, then a liar? Having dug as deep as he possibly could, was it time to dig up?
How could the lid have stayed sealed? What made him think that he was immune from the inevitable? Power? Arrogance? Megalomania? His standing as a cancer survivor? His charity work? All of the above?
“This story was so perfect for so long . . .,” Armstrong told Winfrey. “It’s just this mythic story, and that wasn’t true.”
But with his fame and fortune built on a foundation of deceit — even if it was systemic to his sport — the rest is up to you, not him. Having taken everyone for a ride, he’s now at your mercy.
Armstrong’s entire Tour team never passed the common-sense test. The US Postal Service, facing financial ruin, spent $40 million to sponsor his team.
Where was the payoff? Armstrong fans would write letters instead of e-mails? How much federal money was spent supplying drugs for the entire USPS team? Here’s hoping the juice was shipped by USPS and not FedEx.
And no one in our government knew enough about cycling to know it was infested with drugs and juicers, yet someone knew enough to throw $40 million at it?
If nothing else, Armstrong has been good for cable TV. The Outdoor Life Network got hot when it televised Armstrong in the Tour de France. OLN then became the Versus Network, which is now the NBC Sports Network.
Last night, he might have done plenty for OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. Except she put the climax where the overture usually goes. She saved a lot of people a lot of time. But maybe OWN will become CCC — the Celebrity Confession Channel.
Regardless, it seemed like a historic night for TV, given that the truth had all those commercial sponsors. And to think that the truth, like charity, used to be its own reward. What an age we live in.