THOSE who will be eating Christmas dinner in one of our nation’s penal institutions still have a little more than a month remaining before George W. Bush can no longer grant them clemency. For those who’ve been found guilty of dubious misdeeds in the court of public opinion, however, judgement day is here. We’ve broken out the gavel and robe to come up with this list of the famous and infamous who’ve paid their debts to society – as well as a few others who need to think about their behavior just a bit longer.
PARDONED: “Saturday Night Live”: How this show survived from 1980 to 2007- the bleak years – is a mystery. But it did, and Tina Fey got some help in making 2008 so good that it kinda justifies the previous 27 years.
Joe Piscopo, you’re a separate case.
PARDONED: Tom Coughlin: Turns out the guy can coach after all. Go Blue!
PARDONED: France: America’s always had a love-hate relationship with the French, but now they have a president who loves us and a first lady so many of us love in so many ways.
PARDONED: Katie Couric: Could Couric’s distracting perkiness over the past year and a half have been an elaborate ruse to set up Sarah Palin for the most significant interview of the 2008 presidential election? Couric’s no David Frost, but it turns out she’s not Elisabeth Hasselbeck, either.
John Varvatos: Taking over the old CBGB was a no-win proposition, but the rock ‘n’ roll designer has done a commendable job of preserving this landmark’s spirit. The old awning, cash register and urinal can now be found five minutes away at the new Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex. Rock on in your $300 combat boots, Mr. Varvatos.
Heidi Klum: After watching her ridiculously sexy new “Guitar Hero” ad, we can’t even remember what she did wrong. Smug reality show? Played-out Halloween party? Victoria’s what? Whatever. Nice ad, abs, arse, etc.
Eliot Spitzer: Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich
all of a sudden makes Client 9 look like a prince among pols.
Add in comedian-cum-Gov. David Paterson, and we’re downright nostalgic.
Suri (above), Apple, Bronx Mowgli, Brooklyn: Sure you got stuck with some pretty lousy names, but the sins of the fathers shouldn’t be visited upon children. We’re going to give you a fresh start. Moon Unit Zappa turned out just fine.
The Box: For the past 10 years, clubgoers complained that New York nightlife had gotten too safe and formulaic. Now all of a sudden folks are complaining that this game-changer is too seedy and debauched? The club is now dealing with some rough charges from ex-employees, but we happily forgive the seediness.
Mickey Rourke: Rourke seems to have found himself – as an actor in “The Wrestler,” and maybe even as a human being once again.
CLEMENCY DENIED
Isiah Thomas: It’s one thing to have crippled the Knicks indefinitely, but quite another to throw your own daughter under a bus.
Miley Cyrus: You can’t have it both ways, young Miley. Either lose the sheet completely and cut to the chase or cinch it with a chastity belt so the world doesn’t have an achy-breaky heart attack.
Wall Streeters: Wait! So after all the crap we tolerated from you obnoxious stiffs in bars and clubs over the past few years, it turns out you didn’t know anything about money either? Don’t look for bailouts here, dirtbags.