Hey, Bud, where do you want me to drop these?”
“What are they?”
“Woims, Bud, they’re woims.”
“An entire truckload?”
“More trucks coming, all stuffed with big cans of woims.”
“I didn’t order any worms.”
“Sure ya did, Bud. Here’s the order slip, signed by you, Bud Selig.”
Well, those thousands of fans Yankees management claims are watching the games on large-screen TVs in the fancy restaurant at Yankee Stadium — rather than sitting in their obscenely priced seats — soon may have a reasonable reason to choose the TV lounge over their $1,500 seats.
Soon there may be no more logical place from within ballparks to watch a game than from in front of a TV set — in order to best view the coming replay review decisions.
Can of corn, meet can of worms. The pursuit of umpiring perfection in baseball is so wildly impractical it defies the wildly unpredictable nature of the The Game.
OK, so let’s say the replay rule proves what was ruled an out — a shoestring or diving catch — was a trapped ball. What do you do with the existing base runners, the batter? Guess where they otherwise might have been, what then would have happened?
So the liner down the line that was ruled foul is challenged. Sure enough, it was a fair ball! Now what? Place the batter, who quit running, on first? Second? Third?
If we’re to “suppose” the ball would have been fielded cleanly, why not suppose the base runner would have been thrown out at second — by the same fielder who stopped running for the ball when it was signaled foul?
What do you do with the base runner who was on first? Guess where he otherwise might have been? Base runners don’t trip and fall? Some don’t run at all. Some outfielders field and throw better than others — but not always.
So now we’ll take a stab at what “would’ve happened”?
I know, I know, it’s all about “getting it right.” That has become the reflexive cry of those who see bad calls then can’t think beyond wishful thinking.
But with absolutely no way to know what would have happened had the original call been correct, it’s impossible to get it right! All you can do is replace a known — a bad call — with guesswork founded in fantasy. Spin the wheel, roll the dice, buy a 50-50 raffle ticket (plus $8 convenience charge)!
It’s not a matter of being a purist; it’s a matter of being a realist. As John Sterling so often says, “Ya never know in baseball.” He’s indisputably right!
OK, so Sterling next says, “A hit here scores the runner from second.” Of course, he doesn’t know that; nobody knows that.
The variables are so endless MLB’s proposed additions to its replay rules are preposterous. Baseball’s not played in a petri dish by guys in white lab coats.
Perhaps the umps should make no immediate calls, let replay determine their call while runners and fielders freeze, awaiting a signal from the umps who have just heard from MLB’s Replay Central, then resume play from there.
And if isolated tapes of Robinson Cano jogging to first are withheld by his team’s network, how can MLB ensure the tapes it reviews are all there are?
In 2010, a Penguins TV producer admittedly withheld video that provided proof of a Flyers’ goal, allowing the NHL’s Toronto-based replay system operators to deny the Flyers’ claim. Team player, he was!
Team-affiliated and network producers, directors and video operators should not be involuntarily assigned by MLB to become members of MLB’s umpiring crews.
Is MLB ready for when the game-changing video shows up after the World Series game?
And why would replay “challenge” opportunities increase come the seventh inning? A bad call is less likely to alter the game if made in the first six innings? Not if it’s 8-0 after five!
Then there’s the NFL-like nothing-to-lose challenge. Down four runs in the eighth? Make a challenge; stop the game. Again. Whattaya have to lose? Ya never know in baseball!
So pry open those industrial-sized drums of worms, Bud. That’s your signature on the order form.
But given MLB’s inevitable and continuing drug scandals, and the financial disenfranchisement of so many once-devoted customers, foresight has never been Selig’s strong suit.
How did baseball survive this long?
School of thoughtless on prep football
Now that TV and TV money provide the primary impetus to corrupt college football, it’s time to work harder on high school football.
Newly launched Fox Sports 1 seems eager to copy ESPN’s worst ideas. ESPN has televised and promoted “big time high school football,” including the ratings and rankings of teams and kids, and which college football mills are hot to “sign” which kids — as student-athletes, natch.
Nike’s high school tryout camp, which appears like the NFL’s combine, also appears on ESPN.
But FS1 seems no more inclined to “let high school kids be high school kids.” It has announced a seven-game schedule featuring the “Best High School Football Teams In The Country.”
That schedule will include Bergen Catholic, one of New Jersey’s power-packed, recruitment-enriched private high school teams. Bergen Catholic will play at John Curtis Christian — in Louisiana. “Big-time” teams now often play at least 12 games, traveling the country.
Last season, John Curtis went 13-0-1. That’s right, 14 games — one more than LSU — winning nine by at least 42 points. The week after Bergen Catholic plays John Curtis in Louisiana, BC again will play on the road — in Utah.
ESPN’s 13-game schedule includes a Florida high school at a South Carolina high school, a Florida high school at a Kentucky, a Tennessee at a Mississippi, an Idaho at a Utah and a California at a Colorado.
There might not be enough money to pay the teachers, but alternate third jerseys are essential. And the team bus now picks up the kids at the airport.
And if things are out of control — and they are — we always can count on TV to make them worse.
Cable-knit pol$
Duck and Cover Dynasty: The consistent, persistent disinclination among politicians — politicians otherwise loudly disposed toward populist issues — to go after cable TV consumer issues such as Time Warner Cable’s dropping of CBS and its cable networks, can be traced to the generosity of campaign donations by the powerful, wealthy (on subscribers’ money) National Cable TV Association.
Put it this way: If a region had two competing cable systems, not only would both charge lower monthly rates — and still be profitable — neither would dare drop CBS for fear of benefitting its competitor.