US News

WEIRD BUT TRUE

An ex-stripper famously cleared of battering a nightclub patron with her “really big, crazy big” breasts has had them removed and put one up for auction.

Tawny Peaks of Detroit put her one of her size 69-HH implants on eBay, figuring, “Why not? I don’t need it any more. Somebody might bid on it. It’s like the first boob to be sued over in a lawsuit.”

A man had claimed a whiplash injury when Peaks swung her breasts into his face, “like two cement blocks.”

The parties went on “The People’s Court” where the judge, former Mayor Ed Koch, ruled they were not dangerous. The auction, which ends Saturday, has received 10 bids so far, topping out at $71.

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A convicted speeder has avoided jail by agreeing to parade the sidewalks with a sign around his neck reading, “Don’t Street Race. I Lost My Driver’s License for Three Years!”

A judge ordered Erik Rivera, 24, of Kissimmee, Fla., to wear the sign for one hour on 50 consecutive Sundays or face the slammer.

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Something stinks in Iran.

That’s where a long-suffering wife wants a divorce on the grounds her husband has not washed for more than a year.

“He does not like water and does not want to take a shower. He doesn’t even wash his face when he wakes up in the morning,” said Mina, 36. “Nobody, including me, my children and his colleagues, can stand him.”

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Talk about fast service.

A drive-in brothel that features eight garages into which clients drive to be serviced by hookers has become a huge success in Cologne, Germany.

Profits have, uh, risen so fast that the biz may be expanded to other cities, including Bonn and Dusseldorf.

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A Belgian veterinarian has produced a CD featuring the sounds of grunting boars to make pigs horny.

The snorts are meant to make sows excited so sperm can more easily be inserted during artificial insemination.

“I’ve already sold 400 of them and the results are terrific,” said Dr. Frank Vermeiren. “It makes them go wild.” Hog wild.