Hondo will give his Week 6 performance the same treatment the networks which cover the NFL gave “League of Denial,” the Frontline documentary about the league’s concussion problem: He will ignore it.
However, if anyone would like Mr. Aitch to go into in-depth detail about his college picks, which are presently percolating at a .600 clip, he’d be happy to accommodate.
Jets over Patriots: Forget personnel advantages, injuries, the tiresome weekly Gronk speculation, Gisele’s prayer chains, the Hoodie’s spying and coaching superiority, etc. Hondo’s research team has uncovered a season-long Gang Green pattern in which each win is followed by a loss, which is followed by a win. Obviously, on the heels of last week’s loss to the Steelers, another “W” awaits.
It’s really not fair of Rex to insist the Jets not engage in any household chores for their wives because they’re playing the mighty Pats unless he also complies. And you know darn well Rex is going to come running if Mrs. Ryan signals the hands team for a foot massage.
According to emauler Ed Buckmir: Antonio Cromartie’s poor performance against the Steelers was his worst since he tried to come up with his kids’ names on “Hard Knocks.”
Chargers over Jaguars: Whew! Thank God the Republicans caved and raised the debt ceiling — now Congress and Obama can get back to doing what they do best: Spending money they don’t have.
Chiefs over Texans: Hillary Clinton was honored in London for her “significant and impressive contribution to international diplomacy.” Anybody who can name one should be eligible for cash and prizes.
Lion over Bengals: The frequently flying Pantsuit reportedly took a shot at Joe Biden recently, pointing out that while she advocated for going after Osama bin Laden, the Veep was against it. That should give the Gaffe Machine the green light to point out the fine work Hillary did protecting US personnel in Benghazi.
Continuing to rack up the tributes, Hillary was honored this week by the Elton John’s AIDS foundation with the inaugural “Founder’s Award.” That sounds like an award Bill should have one for all those nights he went looking for another woman … and found’er.
Dolphins over Bills: Speaking of Bill, Barking Mut of SoBe points out “Alabama safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix also happened to be the reaction from Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers, and Monica Lewinsky when they first saw the “bed man’s curve” on former “Peyronie Bill’s” appendage.”
Bears over Redskins: Mas Mut: To placate the offended, Skins owner Daniel Snyder now says he’s going to change the name of the Redskins to the “Washington Noble Native American Casino Billionaires.”
Given the current sensitive climate, here’s something you probably should never say in public: “I have some tickets to a Redskins game I want to scalp.”
Eagles over Cowboys: Anthony “A-Wad” Weiner tells GQ he would have been mayor of New York City if he had run before the invention of the Internet. Then again, he might have become a full-time subway flasher.
Panthers over Rams: Actor Charlie Hunnam has pulled out as the lead in “50 Shades of Grey.” Possible replacements include Mad Mel Gibson, Chris “Slap ’Em Around” Brown and Hugh “Rough Sex” Douglas.
Falcons over Buccaneers: This should be a real checkers match between Mike Smith and Greg Schiano — two of the dullest minds in football. Schiano has been working all week on combatting the Shotgun Victory Formation, which the Eagles used against the Bucs last week. Smith, meanwhile, has had two weeks to study up on the merits of kicking a field goal at the end of the half (instead of going for a TD and failing) to bring your team within seven points in a game you eventually would lose 30-28.
4 9ers over Titans: Props to Cory Booker for winning the New Jersey special election for the U.S. Senate. Although, he forgot to thank his imaginary friend “T-Bone” during his acceptance speech, he is looking forward to telling Conn. Senator Richard “Lying Dick” Blumenthal all about him in exchange for Lying Dick relating some of his imaginary Viet Nam war stories.
Browns over Packers: Angry Alec Baldwin called Joe Lhota’s spokeswoman Jessica Proud a “trashbag” on Twitter. That’s vintage, unscripted Baldwin. Scripted, he becomes the cool and calm MSNBC host of “Up Late With Alec Baldwin” who spends an hour butt-snorkeling with mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio. That deadly dull program is headed to the scrap heap unless Unscripted Alec shows up.
Steelers over Ravens: It came out last week Michael Douglas had tongue cancer caused by oral sex, not throat cancer, as he originally said. Either way, he’s no longer a candidate to star in “Man of La Muncha.”
Broncos over Colts: This horse race won’t be close, thanks to Colts owner Jim Irsay, who said he drafted Andrew Luck basically because Peyton Manning was a selfish, stat-starved egomaniac who didn’t care about winning Super Bowls. It’s Peyback time.
Giants over Vikings: They can’t go 0-7, can they? Not against Buc castoff Josh Freeman and the 1-4 Vikes? Impossible. Right?
Not sure what’s the more damning stat: Eli’s incredible 15 interceptions, Big Blue’s feeble five sacks in six games or Hondo’s pathetic 29 wins in 92 games.
BEST BETS: Chiefs, Falcons, Broncos.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Cardinals.