WE’RE JUST FLOATING THIS OUT THERE…

LIVE LARGE

Rumored for years to actually be happening, Toronto-based Four Seasons Hotels & Resorts has finally reached an agreement with the developers of a 13-deck, 719-foot luxury liner with just 112 fully owned residences.

That’s right: Come home to the Four Seasons. At sea. The concept’s not new, but both existing product and what’s out there in the ether isn’t nearly as exciting.

Officially called the Four Seasons Ocean Residences, the ship is set for launch in 2010. Residences range from 797 square feet (not half bad) to 7,860 (we didn’t know a boat like this had that much space to begin with!). Some will come complete with butlers, while all units will have terraces. The ship will navigate the entirety of the globe in its first year (and likely do much the same thereafter), spending over 250 days between the poles hitting all major ports of call.

A whole slew of boutiques, restaurants and typical cruise ship fun stuff, like a driving range and spa, will be on hand, while a crew of 220 will maintain order. Units range from $3.75 to $39 mil (oceanresidences.com).

NILE DELUXE

There’s nothing new about a cruise on the Nile, but navigating Africa’s #1 river luxuriously?

“It is definitely a growing trend,” according to Egyptian tourism spokesman Peter Collins.

India-based Oberoi Hotels & Resorts continues its plunge into the Egyptian boat biz with Zahra, a new, no-nonsense, luxury floater with 25 323-square-foot rooms and two 538-square-foot grand suites.

While Zahra won’t be Oberoi’s first Nile-cruising craft (its 54-cabin Philae has been sailing the river since 1996), it will be their first all-suite option, also claiming to be the only boat on the Nile with four massage suites (we’re sure that won’t be the case for long).

It launches on October 2, from $5,600 per suite for the week, all-inclusive (oberoihotels.com).

Meanwhile, Egypt-based Emeco has launched its second floating hotel, Tuya. A sister ship to its 3-year-old Tiyi, Tuya has 60 rooms, three royal suites, a spa and pools (emeco.com).

LAST CALL?

We knew the Germans were among us, just safely on land in Wisconsin where we could keep our eye on them (Oh, we kid!). As it so happens, German ships have been prowling around the Great Lakes for the past nine years – Hamburg-based line Hapag-Lloyd has been offering fall itineraries to a largely European clientele. The fun (oh, don’t even – this trip is wild) may be coming to an end, though.

“We aren’t sailing in ’08 due to the water levels,” said spokeswoman Cindy Tanenbaum, who said the company hopes to return in the future – depending, of course, on how the whole climate mess plays out. Sailing the route this year is Hapag’s MS Columbus, a 472 footer built specifically to navigate the locks of the Great Lakes (it’s one of only a handful of large ships that can).

This year, they’re offering three varied itineraries: A 10-day sailing from Toronto to Chicago leaving Sept. 17, an 11-day round-tripper from Chicago leaving Sept. 27, and a 10-day Chicago-to-Toronto trip leaving October 8 (fares from $2,315/pp;

hl-cruises.com).

CRYSTAL BY LAND

The days of being overcharged for a couple night’s stay in a port hotel consisting of a post-cruise tour are over, as more companies find ways to keep their passengers as paying customers longer and longer.

Crystal Cruises is already famous for their highly customizable onshore excursions (they like to call them “Crystal Adventures”).

This summer alone they’re debuting over 100 new shore excursions in Europe alone (look out: speed boating in the Baltic!).

But they’ve also introduced extended “pre- and post-cruising” tours onshore. A high-class jaunt on the Orient-Express, for example, includes high-tea, multi-course dinners and all that jazz as you snake through Europe.

But it’s not just limited to decadence on the Continent. Other options include hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro or flying a Russian MIG. The line selects various tour operators, among them top names like Abercrombie & Kent and Micato Safaris (crystalcruises.com).

PUNCH IT, PEARL

Look, the earth is 70 percent water – obviously what we need are more cruise lines. Enter

Pearl Seas Cruises, a Connecticut-based line hoping to begin service in August of next year.

Already a member of the Cruise Lines International Association, they’re owned by the same management group that runs fellow CLIA member American Cruise Lines.

Pearl sees itself in the luxury small ship category, competing with Regent Seven Seas and Silversea.

Their first ship (you always remember your first) will be 330-feet long with 109 staterooms. Offering only Canadian itineraries at first (Nova Scotia, St. Lawrence Seaway, the Great Lakes), Pearl Seas plans to sail into the Mexican Riviera and the Caribbean later in 2008 (pearlseascruises.com).

SPLENDOR-IFFIC!

Carnival’s newest Conquest-class ships are loads of fun, but it’s now been a few years of the same on each reincarnation.

And while July of next year means the arrival of the Splendor, a 113,300-ton behemoth and the line’s biggest ever, it’s still just meant to tide you over until the Big Deal happens in 2009 (of course, we speak

of the arrival of the 130,000-ton Dream.)

That’s not stopping Carnival from declaring the Splendor its “newest, largest and most innovative ship ever.”

This may well be true. Some facts: The ship will feature one of the biggest spas at sea, a two-level, 40,000-square-foot den of iniquity. Splendor will feature a jogging track and four pools. Itineraries will vary, depending on the season, from short hops to The Bahamas, weeklong sojourns in the Caribbean, various European jaunts and a couple of transatlantic cruises (carnival.com).