REMEMBER those seventh-grade slumber parties where you stretched your chest, chanting “I must, I must; I must increase my bust”?
Shirley Archer does. The fitness expert thinks the dreams of young teen girls has some basis in reality, writing “Busting Out: Putting Your Best Breasts Forward.”
Archer, a consultant for Stanford University School of Medicine who has penned five seemingly legitimate books before this one, claims she can change women’s breasts through a series of exercises like the “hooray for hooters overhead press” and the “bosom-boosting incline chest press.” The idea is that by strengthening the muscles of your chest wall, back and torso, and by learning how to widen your back, you can prevent what she calls your “perky peaches” from going sour.
For instance, there’s the “focus your high beams,” which suggests you hold an exercise band in each hand, tucked under your arms and around your back. You pull the elastic forward as if you were giving someone a bear hug, repeating several times. “Visualize your cleavage as your chest muscles contract, particularly in the central chest.”
Uh-huh. Sounds a lot like those ads in the back of Seventeen magazine. Except it didn’t work then – and chances are it won’t work now.
“Going to the gym isn’t going to give you the breasts of your dreams,” says Dr. David Rapaport, a Park Avenue plastic surgeon. “Sure, by strengthening appropriate back and shoulder muscles your posture will improve over time, and with better posture your breasts will look better – but that’s about as far as it goes, especially for women who have any degree of sagging.”
Just ask any woman who breast-feeds.
“I’ve spent the last five months doing exercises like these,” says one mother of 6-month-old twins. “And these so-called ‘perky peaches,’ still look more like deflated dumplings.”
Though Archer never claims that her book will physically increase the size of your breasts, she does say that people will notice a difference.
Of course, “You have to see it [yourself] before you can be it,” she says. “Before you do any toning exercises, see yourself in your mind’s eye with perfect posture, using correct exercise techniques and performing every move energetically.”
Ah, yes, it’s “The Secret” for boobs. Imagine that your boobs are perky, and they will be.
Along with the exercises, Archer suggests taking frequent stretch breaks throughout the day, whether you are standing on line or sitting at your computer, working. “Spread your arms out wide as you reach toward the opposite horizon lines, opening your chest. Breathe deeply as you hold each stretch for up to 30 seconds.”
Your lucky co-workers.
And, if that fails, in a section called Secrets of Style, she says, “there’s always contouring.” Simply “highlight the top of the breasts, the upper chest and the shoulders with a shimmer powder or bronzer,” and voila – Hello, Dolly!