The father of the kid forever known as “Balloon Boy” did more damage than merely in ducing nausea in his pitiful son Falcon, as well as in the rest of the world.
Richard Heene will be held responsible for killing a multibillion-dollar industry. That’s right. Heene may well murder reality TV.
When the Colorado man with a checkered history of arrest and domestic-violence reports allegedly pretended to send his boy into the atmosphere in a flying-saucer-shaped helium balloon, he did more than a stupid human trick. He toyed with our primal anxiety over kids.
What began as a selfish quest for stardom will wind up making it much more difficult for any boy in a genuine emergency to get his voice heard.
With his stunt, Heene jumped from a life spent in the reality-TV genre — a place he’s existed for years without great success. And he landed squarely in the real-world realm of the evening news. There, serious anchors watched the progress of Falcon’s supposed balloon ride with a breathlessness normally reserved for hard-core porn.
And when it was revealed that Falcon was hiding at home the whole time, TV audiences, not to mention authorities, were not amused with Heene’s crossover into real-life programming.
The next time, cops, the media, not to mention military helicopters, will pause before chasing after a little boy.
Had Heene possessed one-tenth of a brain, he would have known that decency, like reality TV, has firm conventions that cannot be violated.
He should have learned from the grandmother of reality TV, 2000’s “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?” The show quickly died after audiences were grossed out by the prospect of loathsome Rick Rockwell spending an actual wedding night with the equally odious Darva Conger, whom he married on TV. Too real.
But reality TV was soon reborn, though with some tweaks to make it more fake.
Now, audiences know that the people pretending to risk their lives on “Survivor” are really just a satellite-phone call away from a hospital. We also know that the hefty dames on “The Biggest Loser” are just going to regain all that body fat when the cameras stop rolling, so you might as well get back to that caloric rubbish they sell on TV.
Heene’s biggest problem is not that he pulled a fast one on the world. It’s that he made it appear genuine. By taking infotainment into his amateur hands, he risked not only his kid’s welfare, but the future of a television staple.
Young Falcon didn’t seem to know true from false when he appeared on “Today” — and barfed. His mom just happened to have a plastic bucket within reach to clean up after the sick boy.
Now Heene faces hard time, not to mention public condemnation, potential loss of his kids, and probable divorce, while endangering other children’s lives.
That is the reality. You can’t change the channel.
Read it in the Taliban Times
What kind of zeal for terrorist-appeasement prompted The New York Times to commission a front-page apology to the Taliban?
David Rohde’s series that premiered in the Gray Lady this week, detailing his seven-month capture by terror-mongers, displays a Timesian kinship with guys who would sooner murder Americans than shake our hands.
Sprinkled through the articles, in which Rohde describes his harrowing capture by cave-hopping demons who, the author notes, enjoy “superior roads, electricity and infrastructure,” is evidence of deep sympathy for their mental garbage.
“After seven years of reporting in the region, I did not fully understand how extreme many of the Taliban had become.” Had become?
“I also saw how some of the consequences of Washington’s antiterrorism policies had galvanized the Taliban,” he wrote in Part 1. “Commanders fixated on the deaths of Afghan, Iraqi and Palestinian civilians in military airstrikes, as well as the American detention of Muslim prisoners who had been held for years without being charged.
“America, Europe and Israel preached democracy, human rights and impartial justice to the Muslim world, they said, but failed to follow those principals themselves.”
No argument here from Rohde.
I’ll probably never know what the reporter experienced after he ignored the advice of sensible colleagues and set out to “understand” the plight of a bloodthirsty troupe that, for whatever reason, treated him to bottled water and failed to beat him. His Afghan colleagues weren’t so lucky.
But if I want to learn about the indignities suffered by radical Muslims, I know where to look.
Just laughable, dave
I guess some of David Letterman’s best pals are Eskimos, too.
National Organization for Women President Terry O’Neill asked for a sit-down this month with CBS and World Wide Pants honchos to discuss the “toxic” environment in Client #1’s workplace.
Pants chief Rob Burnett responded with a patronizing note that outlined every woman who’s worked for Dave in 25 years (three of five executive producers!).
“That’s like saying, ‘some of my best friends are women. Some of my best friends are African-American,’ ” O’Neill told me bitterly.
Burnett also wrote, “Our human resources department has consulted every member of the ‘Late Show’ staff, and not a single complaint has been raised or filed. Moreover, over the 29 years David Letterman has been broadcasting, there has never been a sexual harassment claim made against him.”
No response from CBS President Les Moonves, and no mention of a Burnett meeting.
“This is sort of the kiss-off,” said O’Neill.
I hope she didn’t mean that literally.
The sex factor
IT’S the ego, stupid.
ESPN’s Steve Phillips can’t understand why a lowly production assistant turned into a bunny-boiler after a mere three rolls in the hay. Bed buddy Brooke Hundley’s alleged stalking and tirades to Phillips’ long-suffering wife, Marni, were “more than was appropriate based on what the relationship was,” Phillips told cops, indicating a woeful lack of satisfaction with his latest gal pal.
Phillips would really be in trouble if the sex was good, I guess.
Bam boon for illegals
Look for chaos and crime to commence, now that the government has issued a legal crackdown — in favor of illegal aliens.
Al Sharpton, for one, should be pleased.
In an amazing about-face on crime, the Homeland Security and Justice departments have informed legendary Phoenix-area Sheriff Joe Arpaio that he no longer can arrest someone just because he’s in this country illegally. Illegally.
Lefty whiners, chief among them the Rev. Al, have long accused Arpaio of “racial profiling.” One congressman actually called border-patrol agents “Gestapo.” Their cries have been heard by the Obama administration.
Arpaio, who insists he’ll continue to ask county jail inmates their immigration status, risks getting in Dutch with the feds for upholding the law.
“Nothing has changed,” Arpaio boldly told Reuters. “I don’t take orders from anyone.”
Let’s hope.