“I’m ready to offer my services for ur project. Contact me at ur earliest convenience 2 arrange for interview. Thanks in advance for ur consideration.”
That’s a real cover letter from a real person claiming to be a real professional, who thinks she can get a real job. The letter was fielded by publicist and trend-spotter Richard Laermer, who gets so many of these he collects them and, when asked, forwards them to reporters for fun.
The letter “just made me shake my head till it nearly fell off.” But it isn’t rare. In fact, Laermer says, it’s typical.
“Lazy is the new professionalism,” he says.
Or maybe lazy is the new everything. Not only are we getting lazier as a nation — at least, physically, given that 26.6% of Americans are now seen as obese — but we also seem to be growing more comfortable with the label. Sloth is not shameful. Some Americans even see it as a badge of honor.
Foodies have begun to notice an increase in lobster served “lazy man” style, in which the meat is already removed from the shell before arriving at a restaurant table. PepsiCo is test-marketing Tropolis, a fruit puree in a pouch that eliminates the need to pick, wash, peel or chop nature’s bounty; in doing so, Pepsi is pitting itself against Peter Rabbit Organics, which already distributes a squeezable fruit snack in Starbucks stores.
An unholy union of sleepwear and denim has produced Pajama Jeans, designed so that people who are out in public can fantasize that they’re back in bed.
“I am more than horrified,” says Marcus Paglialonga, fashion designer for Los Angeles brand Gypsy Junkies. “Americans are so damned lazy it amazes me. This is like a maternity jean for people who don’t want to say they’re wearing a maternity jean.”
And of course, there is the adult footsie pajama that has inertia right in its name: The Forever Lazy, which, via a head-to-toe sloth pod of fleece in colors like “Black to Sleep,” hopes to make puffy loungewear acceptable outside the family room.
(To its credit, Forever Lazy does not claim that its Dr. Seuss footsies are appropriate for the office — yet. But a similar company, Cushzilla, which combines footsie pajamas with animal-costume detailing, does.)
Oh, but the lazy trend doesn’t end with fashion. We’d be remiss if we didn’t at least mention in passing the “vibration platforms” sprouting up at gyms; the plate jiggles while you work out on it — that is, if you actually exercise, instead of simply standing on it and hoping for the best. Late night commercials promise electric belts that sculpt your abdominal muscles with no effort on your part. Just hold this Shake Weight — it’ll do all the work.
Alcohol you can inhale, when lifting a glass is too much effort. Movies and music and groceries at the click of a mouse. Tablet computers to surf the Internet while lying down.
Visitors to the nation’s malls must dodge a fleet of Rascals, “mobility scooters” once meant for the elderly but now used by the merely fat.
Lastly, there are the teenagers. It’s always fun to link teenagers to entropy — lazy journalism, even. But there are some indications that young people are, in fact, succumbing to the New Lethargy.
According to a survey by Susan Tordella, author of the book “Raising Able,” “the rate of chores done by young people has dropped the past few generations. Among people 70 and older, more than 90% remembered doing chores in their youth; that compares to about 85% of respondents between 20 and 30, Tordella says, and has likely dropped lower for teens today.
Of course, it’s impossible to say for certain whether this trend results from laziness, or whether we’re dealing with a generation of overbooked kids whose parents have stuffed their datebooks with too many extracurriculars, leaving less time for cleaning toilets or doing dishes.
But either way, Tordella says, kids are missing out on the reward that comes with developing good work habits.
“Children have become performers instead of producers,” she says. “They do not know how to do simple work, nor have they ever been expected to do menial tasks such as cleaning toilets, doing dishes and sweeping floors.
“They are missing out on the opportunity to tune into the ‘zen’ of work — work for its own sake.”
So. Whom can we blame for all this? The laziest shortcut would probably be to crucify the media. Or politicians. The parents. Television!
Or, hey, corporate America! The latest trend in marketing right now: lifestyle “curation” for consumers. In other words, don’t just sell someone a cellphone or a soda. Be there for the consumer during the other 23 hours of the day, offering tips on whatever Americans might need.
“People are looking for lifestyle butlers in a way,” says Stephan Paschalides, creative director of Now Plus One, a consumer insights and trends firm in New York. “They’re looking for product makers to do more for them — for assistance with travel, fitness, diets . . .”
In other words, assistance with everything.
Except, maybe, how to spell.
“Liked ur no nonsense approach,” reads another job-seeking letter for Laermer. “Like ur ego, self assertiveness and unconventional way u yield power. I am enclosing my resume even tho I don’t qualify for the listed position.
“U just never know!”