(Animal Planet)
Forget the Super Bowl. Who are you woofing for today?
A Long Island comedian is top dog at “Puppy Bowl IX” — America’s cutest annual sporting event that pits wide retrievers vs. furry tailbacks right before the Big Game.
Dan Schachner, an Oceanside native, got the ruff-eree gig last year, when nearly 9 million viewers tuned into Animal Planet to watch pound puppies play the field.
There was napping, there was pooping, and not so many touchdowns. Schachner sympathized with the NFL’s replacement refs.
“It is very hard, because you have to pick your battles,” Schachner said. “You can’t just [flag] somebody if they are doing number 1 or number 2.
“You’ve gotta actually say, ‘You know what? This is the third time this puppy has done a number 2 on the field . . . I might have to have this puppy sit out of the game because his bowels are out of control.”
The prime-time playpen airs today from 3-5 p.m. and re-airs till 3 a.m. The mutt marathon is the non-fan’s alternative to America’s biggest sports night.
Last year, there were pig cheerleaders. Now, there will be team-spirit hedgehogs on the 3-by-6-yard field. The bowl will also include a puppy cool-down zone, which shows canines shaking off water in slow motion.
There are no wieners or losers, and few rules. The dogs just tug on ropes and carry around chew toys and occasionally prance into the end zone. At the end, viewers root for their MVP — Most Valuable Puppy.
Schachner’s favorite part is the puppy penalties.
“The fouls are hard to say, like ‘illegal napping’ or ‘excessive cuteness’ or, of course, ‘ineligible retriever downfield.’ ‘Paws interference’ instead of pass interference is one of my favorites.”
The ref said he does his homework, studying the Bark Starrs and their bios.
Schachner became intrigued by the job after he saw the previous ref had stepped down. Puppy Bowl Sunday has become increasingly paw-pular each year.
To land the job, Schachner says he had to submit a serious, but cuddly, audition tape.
“I went to New York City dog parks and tried to have little scrimmages with the puppies that were there,” he said. “It didn’t go so well, but the magic of editing, I made it look really good. And here am I two years later.”
All 63 fuzzy players, who range from 8 to 15 weeks old, come from rescue shelters across the United States and Puerto Rico and can be adopted on Petfinder.com.
“The great thing is, they are all available for adoption, and that is what we are trying to do,” Schachner said.