Man, we’re easy. We’ll believe anything.
A 6-8 Jets team, at home, beats the 4-10 Browns — both previously eliminated — and we’re told it was an inspirational, win-one-for-the-Gipper number, a Spielberg production, “Saving Head Coach Ryan.”
OK. But gee, if Rex Ryan could provide such motivation how did the Jets get to 6-8? It’s not as if the Jets, Sunday, would have inspired Lord Tennyson — or Prince Fielder, for that matter — to prose. Looked a lot more like a 6-8 team beating a 4-10 team.
But, again, we’re easy. That day, the next TV game into New York, Giants-Lions, Fox’s Kenny Albert reported Detroit quarterback Matthew Stafford this season has thrown the most dropped passes in the NFL. OK, that’s worth knowing.
Yet, moments later, Fox posted a graphic showing Stafford’s low passer rating, as if those dropped passes had nothing to do with that!
The game would turn — and Detroit’s playoff chance destroyed — on an interception and touchdown run by DB Will Hill, who two days earlier was arrested. Again. This time for a child-support issue. At 23, he has four children by three women.
Hill’s swelling file — including an NFL drug suspension and his dissemination of pictures of him in suggestive sexual interaction — does not exclude his candidacy for NFC Defensive Player of the Week.
Of course, so many Lions have been arrested, it’s hard to keep track; it’s around a dozen, the last two years.
But that’s OK; we’re easy.
Monday night on ESPN’s national telecast, Falcons-Niners opened with expert Jon Gruden telling us Atlanta has “a one-dimensional offense” — all passing. The supportive graphic read “68 percent” of plays have been passes.
While 68 percent isn’t exactly one-dimensional, the Falcons were 4-10, thus 68 percent seems about right for all such teams. The 4-10 are forced to throw a lot more and a lot sooner than the 10-4.
Throughout the first half, the one-dimensional Falcons heavily relied on their other dimension — running the ball. That also stood to reason; they were beating the Niners.
As Gruden admired Falcons’ runners and runs, he apparently forgot his opening claim.
Only after the Niners went up, 20-10, early in the fourth, did Atlanta’s other one-dimension take over. And that stood to reason, too.
With 50 seconds left in the first half and the Falcons driving, Atlanta took/used/called a timeout. Made perfect sense. Yet Mike Tirico chose to say that Falcons’ coach Mike Smith “is going to burn one, time out, here.”
“Burn a timeout” has become the hip expression for a timeout, spoken to indicate premature wastefulness — even if it isn’t.
But now, with 50 seconds left, Smith burned a timeout. Guess he should’ve waited.
I know, the whole thing has become ridiculous. But what are ya gonna do? We’re easy.
NBA uniforms put ugh in ugly
Yes, We’re Open All Day, Christmas!: The NBA used to sell basketball. Now? Merchandise. Its national telecasts resemble a shopping channel.
Those Christmas Day uniforms — style-over-substance ESPN/ABC made the perfect debut fashion runway — may have looked like thermal underwear, but they’ll make the perfect purchase for the fools who will buy anything, thus becoming the VIP targets of all sports.
The NBA now exploits basketball to sell everything — sneakers, warm-ups, six uniforms per team per season.
As for basketball, well … That spectacular, on-the-run, we-both-get-it Dwyane Wade backboard pass to LeBron James was worth the 11 times ESPN/ABC replayed it. Unfortunately, 10 of those times it was shown in slow motion.
Problem: 1) The play did not occur in slow motion. 2) Repeatedly showing it in slo-mo diminished its reality, thus removed much of the special from the special.
‘Rudy’ only has a happy ending if history is forgotten
Dan Bongino is a former NYC police officer, ex-Secret Serviceman and a Republican political candidate from Maryland. He’s a law-and-order, tell-the-truth guy.
Bongino does some radio talk-show hosting. Monday he subbed for Sean Hannity on WABC. One of his guests was Daniel Ruettiger, commonly known as “Rudy,” the undersized underdog legend of Notre Dame football and subject of the 1993 movie.
Well, for nearly 20 minutes, Bongino gushed; couldn’t find enough great things to tell Ruettiger about Ruettiger, how he’s a hero and inspiration to all, a good and great man, an absolute honor to have on the show.
Absent from Bongino’s worship session was recent Rudy history. In December 2011, an SEC fraud indictment against him in a pump-and-dump scam for a sports drink was settled with Ruetigger paying $383,000 in fines.
Given that Mike Fran-say-so is the ultimate insider and stand-alone genius who for 20-plus years has demonstrated his capacity to get everything colossally wrong — he’s particularly gifted at turning home favorites into blowout losers — you’d think he’d be smart enough to cut it out.
But he still puffs himself up as the one, the only. He knows far more and much better than all!
Last week, after picking the home favorite Chiefs to crush the Colts, he rudely would not even allow dissent from a caller. He similarly selected the Ravens, home favorite against the Pats. Yep, Pats had no shot.
Final scores: Pats 41, Ravens 7. Colts 23, Chiefs 7.
By the way, at season’s start Francesa authoritatively declared the Colts to be, at best, an 8-8 team. They’re now the first-place, 10-5 Colts. More lost tapes.
- Evan Roberts, whose kid-like takes have persisted in his seven years on WFAN, Monday made like Chris Russo, advancing the shallow notion that athletes should be measured by “pelts on the wall” — number of championships won. How would Roberts classify pelt-less Ernie Banks, Don Mattingly, Elgin Baylor, Dick Butkus, Jean Ratelle, Barry Sanders? Underachievers?
- “Face of ESPN” Commits Barbicide: Geez, now Chris Berman’s a redhead. That should help reduce his image of a TV clown.
- Hey, YES Nets’ man Ian Eagle! Lose that faux-hip gibberish. “Nets have numbers here — three-on-two!” Nets have numbers? Why not just give the numbers, “Three-on-two”? Or say, “Fast break”? Or, given that it’s TV, why say anything?
- Reader Jim Longo wonders why YES or ESPN Radio-NY hasn’t done a promotion twinning Michael Kay with Kay Jewelers, using the tag jingle, “Every kiss begins with Kay.” Actually, YES is finalizing a deal with Katz’s Deli; the jingle will be, “Every Knish begins with K.”