The first Serby Mock Draft is certain to leave Giants fans — not to mention Eli Manning — delirious, and Jets draftniks … well, there never is any way of predicting how Jets draftniks will react.
The moment of truth for Jets general manager John Idzik arrives May 8 at Radio City Music Hall. If Giants GM Jerry Reese was the hare during free agency, Idzik was the tortoise. His game plan is building through the draft, which works as long as you hit home runs. Idzik will step into the batter’s box 12 times, and he can’t afford a Dewayne Robertson or a Vernon Gholston or a Vlad Ducasse.
So here we go, the first of no fewer than three Serby mocks, based partly on exhaustive YouTube study and partly on NSA monitoring of Mike Mayock’s draft conversations.
The Texans want to entertain offers for the top pick, the Falcons would trade up for Jadeveon Clowney, but no trades in Serby Mock 1.0.
1 — TEXANS: DE JADEVEON CLOWNEY, South Carolina
Bill O’Brien needs a franchise quarterback, but there is no sure thing in this draft. Defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel will tell Lawrence Taylor tales all day, and the thought of pairing Clowney with J.J. Watt will be too appealing.
2 — RAMS: WR SAMMY WATKINS, Clemson
A can’t-miss gamebreaker who will get Seattle CB Richard Sherman’s attention and makes WR Tavon Austin that much more dangerous and helps QB Sam Bradford take the next step.
3 — JAGUARS: QB JOHNNY MANZIEL, Texas
Coach Gus Bradley was in Seattle when a rookie named Russell Wilson beat out Matt Flynn in training camp. Maybe Johnny Football can do likewise against Chad Henne. If nothing else, he’ll awaken a moribund fan base.
4 — BROWNS: QB BLAKE BORTLES, Central Florida
A big, sturdy quarterback who will need time to supplant Brian Hoyer. Unless Watkins falls here and GM Ray Farmer and coach Mike Pettine decide to wait on Derek Carr later.
5 — RAIDERS: OLB-DE KHALIL MACK, Buffalo
DE Justin Tuck and LB LaMarr Woodley wear the Silver & Black now, but the more pass rushers the better when you play Peyton Manning and Philip Rivers twice a year.
6 — FALCONS: T GREG ROBINSON, Auburn
QB Matt Ryan has been praying for a 6-foot-5, 332-pound punisher like this. A plug-and-play mauler who can start on the right side then take over for LT Sam Baker.
7 — BUCCANEERS: WR MIKE EVANS, Texas A&M
Coach Lovie Smith is in the market for a bookend for Vincent Jackson in the wake of Mike Williams’ off-the-field woes, and here’s a Vincent Jackson clone who will make QB Josh McCown remember what it was like targeting Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery in Chicago.
8 – VIKINGS: QB TEDDY BRIDGEWATER, Louisville
The Christian Ponder Error has ended, and coach Mike Zimmer can ease in the quarterback of the future behind Matt Cassel.
9 – BILLS: OT JAKE MATTHEWS, Texas A&M
A steal with peerless pedigree for coach Doug Marrone, who can move Cordy Glenn to the right side. Donald Trump, of course, would have traded up for Johnny Football if he owned the team.
10 — LIONS: OLB/DE ANTHONY BARR, UCLA
The more 6-foot-5, 255- pound pass rushers to get in the faces of Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler, the better, and coach Jim Caldwell hasn’t inherited a Dwight Freeney or a Robert Mathis.
11 — TITANS: CB DARQUEZE DENNARD, Nebraska
Coach Ken Whisenhunt needs another pass rusher, but he also needs a replacement for Alterraun Verner.
12- GIANTS: TE ERIC EBRON, North Carolina
A 6-foot-4, 245-pound Vernon Davis clone who helps new offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo fix Eli Manning. Victor Cruz receives permission to hand in the card and salsa at Radio City.
13 — RAMS: OT TAYLOR LEWAN, Michigan
Safety Ha-Ha Clinton Dix is in play here, but coach Jeff Fisher never has shied away from nasty brawlers, and this pick could move Rodger Saffold inside and provide insurance for LT Jake Long (ACL).
14 — BEARS: DT AARON DONALD, Pittsburgh
A beastly, disruptive replacement for Henry Melton.
15 — STEELERS: CB JUSTIN GILBERT, Oklahoma State
Ike Taylor isn’t getting any younger, and neither is defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau, and matching up against WRs A.J. Green and Josh Gordon is imperative.
16 — COWBOYS: DT TIMMY JERNIGAN, Florida State
GM Jerry Jones convinced owner Jerry Jones that it is fairly critical to find a replacement for Jason Hatcher, and they say this guy plays violently. The Cowboys need big guys who play violently. Unless the owner or GM decide it’s more critical to find a replacement for DE DeMarcus Ware. Kony Ealy, to be exact.
17 — RAVENS: S HA HA CLINTON-DIX, Alabama
GM Ozzie Newsome laughs last again with Ed Reed’s replacement, kinda sorta.
18 — JETS: CB KYLE FULLER, Virginia Tech
A four-year starter whose senior season was interrupted by a sports hernia. His stock is on the rise, and Idzik and coach Rex Ryan crave a bookend for Dee Milliner, and this is a 6-foot, 190-pounder with 4.49 speed. Patriots QB Tom Brady hasn’t gone anywhere, Darrelle Revis isn’t coming back home, so build a Legion of Boom East first and get QBs Geno Smith/Michael Vick another weapon in the second round.
19 — DOLPHINS: OT/G ZACK MARTIN, Notre Dame
Could be a bookend for LT Branden Albert, but is versatile enough to play anywhere on the line. He won’t remain incognito for long.
20 — CARDINALS: OLB/DE KONY EALY, Missouri
John Abraham is 36. Capiche? Reminds some of Aldon Smith.
21 — PACKERS: NT LOUIS NIX III, Notre Dame
A 330-pound space-eater who could replace B.J. Raji in 2015.
22 — EAGLES: S CALVIN PRYOR, Louisville
Brian Dawkins won’t be coming back, and Malcolm Jenkins can’t shore up a horrific pass defense by himself. Pryor has been described as a bigger, stronger Bob Sanders. Hopefully a more durable one.
23 — CHIEFS: WR MARQISE LEE, USC
Coach Andy Reid traded up for WR Jeremy Maclin, and Alex Smith needs a dynamic weapon opposite Dwayne Bowe.
24 — BENGALS: CB BRADLEY ROBY, Ohio State
Leon Hall returns from a torn Achilles tendon and Dre Kirkpatrick has disappointed.
25 — CHARGERS: CB JASON VERRETT, TCU
Just 5-foot-9, but plays bigger, and the perfect foil for Broncos WR Wes Welker twice a year.
26 — BROWNS: WR BRANDIN COOKS, Oregon State
A blazing fast toy with 4.33 speed for offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan and a nice complement to Josh Gordon.
27: SAINTS: WR KELVIN BENJAMIN, Florida State
Marques Colston turns 31, so here’s a 6-foot-5, 240-pound red-zone target for QB Drew Brees when TE Jimmy Graham is bracketed inside the 20.
28 — PANTHERS: OT MORGAN MOSES, Virginia
GM Dave Gettleman served his apprenticeship with the Giants, so replacing Jordan Gross is the call here over replacing WR Steve Smith.
29 — PATRIOTS: OLB/DE DEE FORD, Auburn
A faster Rob Ninkovich who would enable DE Chandler Jones to slide inside on third down. Best pass rusher available.
30 — 49ERS: ILB RYAN SHAZIER, Ohio State
NaVorro Bowman (leg) likely won’t return until midseason, and this 237-pound cat ran a 4.36 40, and oh, that 42-inch vertical!
31 — BRONCOS: G XAVIER SU’A-FILO, UCLA
Center Will Montgomery is a stopgap. Coach John Fox needs a long-term replacement for LG Zane Beadles. Team captain.
32 — SEAHAWKS: DE RA’SHEDE HAGEMAN, Minnesota
A 6-foot-6, 320-pound replacement for Red Bryant.