John Crudele

John Crudele

Business

It’s all fun and games in Congress, until somebody gets hurt

House Speaker John Boehner was wrong — it is a “damned game.”

Every child knows it as Kick the Can. In the grown-up version, our country’s financial problems are kicked down the road so elected officials won’t have to deal with them, especially at election time.

There’s even a certain irony in the fact that we are really kicking our financial problems so far down the road that today’s children will be the ones dealing with them. And it won’t be fun and games for them.

But the funniest thing of all about the game now being played in Washington is that the president, senators and congressional representatives can’t even get it right.

What losers! They are the ones who should be kicked in the can.

As you know, Thursday is the day when the government supposedly won’t be able to pay its bills because it can’t borrow any more money.

This is really a nonsense deadline: Washington exceeded its ability to borrow months ago.

Tricky accounting is the only thing that got us this far. The real worrisome deadline is in mid-November when a lot of government debt comes due and new bonds will need to be sold.

But since the theme of today’s column is “the game,” let’s play along with those who believe the crisis will hit Thursday.

That’s when, popular belief has it, the US could default on its debt payments, although you can bet there will be some sort of creative accounting if it comes to that.

Washington will ultimately reach some sort of arrangement. The debt ceiling will be raised by an amount that will buy us another few months of solvency. And the Republicans and Democrats will come to some satisfactory agreement on opening parts of the government — enough, anyway, so that the Obama administration will be able to do a victorious chest bump.

The Republicans may even get some spending cuts, although they will just have to wait until the misnamed Affordable Care Act, aka ObamaCare, is finally put out of its misery years from now like a broken-down racehorse.

Where will this all leave us? With a bigger problem a few months a from now.

Not only will we again have to deal with excessive government spending at some point, but the current calamity in Washington is going to damage an economy that’s was already wheezing.

Even without the current mess, the gross domestic product was growing a paltry 2 percent or so. With the government shutdown, political gridlock, plummeting consumer confidence and precarious financial markets, even that growth is going to look like the good old days in the very near future.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret: as the economy slows because of Washington’s antics, tax revenues will decline. And that means the next debt-ceiling crisis will probably come sooner than Washington thinks.

This was going around Wall Street the other day: The Washington Redskins are so embarrassed by their name that they are going to change it — to the Maryland Redskins.

As you know, the name of the team has been such a big issue that even President Obama, who apparently has nothing better to do, has weighed in on the debate.

Seriously, if the consensus is that Native Americans don’t like the team’s name then it should be changed. I suggest the Washington Skins.

But if Washington keeps embarrassing itself on the field like it did Sunday against Dallas, I think dermatologists might object to the new name.

Some other Indian-inspired team names might be less offensive, although ages-old logos and mascots aren’t PC anymore.

The Florida State Seminoles might do well as the Florida State Semicolons, in a nod to the Tallahassee school’s obvious emphasis on higher education over sports. But I’m not sure players would be able to tackle with their tongues in their cheeks.

The Kansas City Chiefs could be called the Kansas City Fire Chiefs, or even the KC Chefs, if cuisine at concession stands in Arrowhead Stadium was upgraded with some juicy steaks.

What should be done about the name of the Chefs’ Arrowhead Stadium? (See, the new name already rolls off the tongue.) Hell, find a corporate sponsor. How much did the name “Arrowhead” add to the team’s revenue last year?

What should we do with the Chicago Blackhawks, the Cleveland Indians, the Atlanta Braves and all rest of the professional teams with names and mascots that someone will inevitably object to someday?

You only have to look across the Hudson to New Jersey for the answer to that. The New York Red Bulls, the soccer team that doesn’t know what state it’s in, was named after an awful-tasting drink years ago, and nobody even thinks about the choice anymore.

So, how do you like the name Chicago Googles instead of Blackhawks, and the Cleveland Aflacs instead of Indians? The Atlanta Mustangs could be playing by next season.

Don’t worry, the names will grow on you.

Now that I’ve settled that, maybe President Obama can get back to fixing our nation’s real problems instead of being distracted by all this other stuff.

So how do we solve our country’s financial problems?

What we need is simple: a lot more economic growth. How we get that growth is complicated.

Congress can’t spend any more money, because the country is already getting more broke every day.

And, ironically, that problem will get even worse when economic activity picks up. Then interest rates will rise and the government — the biggest debtor in the world — will have to pay higher yields to its creditors. (That’s when the fun really begins.)

Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve has kept interest rates artificially low for years, with few results except to make rich people richer and poor people poorer. Sorry to say, but a rallying stock market only helps a very small portion of the US population.

So we are back to my idea — the only viable one out there. Change the rules (in some way) on personal retirement plans so that the trillions of dollars in these accounts can be used to stimulate the economy.

At the very least, allow retirement accounts to be used to purchase real estate. This’ll put real buyers — that is, families — into houses, instead of speculators.