Metro

Colbert roasts pols and prelates at charity dinner

On the menu at the Waldorf Astoria: skewered sitting ducks.
Comedy central funnyman Stephen Colbert roasted the city’s rich and powerful Thursday night, lambasting everyone from Gov. Cuomo to Cardinal Timothy Dolan in the name of charity.
Colbert, a devout Catholic, had the well-heeled crowd in stitches throughout his 14-minute keynote  at the 68th annual Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, which is hosted by the Archdiocese of New York.
“I have great respect for Cardinal Dolan, though I do have to say sir, it is not easy when you’re wearing that outfit. In that cape and red sash, you look like a matador who’s really let himself go,” he said to Dolan, who was among dozens seated on stage. “Did you not see the invite?” he added. “It said ‘black tie’ – not ‘flamboyant Zorro.'”
Leaving no stone unturned, Colbert zinged celebrities and officials one by one.

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To “Hardball” host Chris Matthews, he said, “Got some great news, Chris. It turns out that having Hardball is now covered by Obamacare.”
Colbert brought up the recent biker gang that terrorized and assaulted a driver in upper Manhattan, a ride that involved off-duty cops.
“Are you alone tonight or did you bring the whole biker gang?” he asked NYPD chief Ray Kelly.
Colbert then quipped, “I’m in trouble…I gotta change my door locks.”
The gutsy comic at one point teased Pope Francis, saying “As a conservative Catholic I believe the Pope is infallible, but he’s also wrong about a lot of things.”
He then added, “The Pope is constantly talking about how the church doesn’t need to be so dogmatic and hierarchical, which forces me to ask the eternal question: is the Pope Catholic?”
Even when Colbert pretended to go serious for a moment – at an event that raised $3 million for childrens’ charity –  he didn’t do it.
“In all seriousness, tonight is really about the littlest among us,” said Colbert. “Speaking of which, is Mayor Bloomberg here?”
The comedian then heckled Hizzoner over both his height and his failed bid to ban large sodas, saying “the real reason he doesn’t want drink cups larger than 16 ounces is because he’s afraid he might drown in one.”
Even politicians who were absent didn’t escape his fire.
Although he didn’t mention mayoral candidates Bill de Blasio or Joe Lhota – who would only be invited if one of them were an incumbent – he did bring up unsuccessful mayoral hopeful Christine Quinn, the City Council Speaker.
“Future mayor of New York City Christine Quinn is with us tonight… I’m sorry, I wrote that a long time ago,” said Colbert. “I thought she was a shoe-in,” he added. “New York City’s the only place in the world where the lesbian candidate is too conservative.”
Other politicians onstage included former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer and former Republican mayoral candidate John Castimatidis.
The swanky event in the lush ballroom at the Waldorf was hosted by Alfred E. Smith IV, and honored Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan with the inaugural “Happy Warrior Award.”