The boys are back, and they’re as disgusting as ever, crazier than before and more outlandishly sexually depraved than before.
They’re also dangerously broke and involved with more litigious, licentious, lewd and lascivious sub-humans than you thought humanly possible.
Which, of course, is correct — it would all be humanly impossible — which is why viewers still find the show deliciously dark.
I’m talking about “Nip/Tuck,” the series that makes “Fringe” look like it’s made up of average Joes.
Its sixth season premieres tomorrow night, and it looks like the past year has been a lean, very mean one for Drs. Sean & Christian (Dylan Walsh, Julian McMahon) who, like owners of other luxury goods businesses, have fallen on hard times.
In fact, the doctors are now arguing over whether or not they should buy Yoplait or the store brand, how to pay the rent as well as their ex-and-future wives’, and how to find money to keep their plastic surgery practice open with nary a rich lady in sight.
If you watched last year, you know that after Christian found out he wasn’t dying of breast cancer, he decided to divorce his anesthesiologist, Liz the lesbian (Roma Maffia), who couldn’t get enough of his big, ah, ego once they got married. Oy.
Meantime, Sean’s lover, Dr. Teddy, played by Katee Sackhoff, has either undergone a total face, body and voice makeover under the knives of Sean and Christian or she’s miraculously simply morphed into Rose McGowan. Yes — this has happened without so much as a “The part of Dr. Theodora Rowe will be performed this evening by Rose McGowan” announcement like you get on Broadway. And no, McGowan brings nothing to the part that wasn’t there before.
But is having viewers accept that Sean’s lover has become a totally different person — without anyone noticing — any stranger than having Mario Lopez show up as an ab-fab (as in six-pack) plastic surgeon with a 102-foot yacht that he’s acquired from giving, yes, vagina uplifts? No.
Then there’s Kimber (Kelly Carlson), who has given up her career as a porn star but is convinced by broke-and-desperate Christian that there’s gold in his pants and it just needs to be mined for them both to get rich. Don’t ask.
Barry Bostwick also shows up as a blind and perverse divorce attorney, but it’s Linda Hunt who narrates the first two episodes (a la “Desperate Housewives’ “ Alice) that adds the ingredient that’s always been missing: Class.
For fans, it’s a bloody good start. For everyone else, there’s always “CSI: New York” — where you get the blood without the guts.