Tracy Morgan shocks and awes in his new memoir “I Am the New Black,” with plenty of dish. Read on for some highlights.
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On “SNL” culture shock: “I had my finger on the pulse of urban comedy, but when I brought my act to ‘SNL,’ those motherf – – – ers just felt bad for me. None of the cast I came up with saw this future for me. No, sir. All I have to say about that is, where’s Chris Kattan now?”
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“SNL” culture shock, continued: “I had my finger on the pulse of urban comedy, but when I brought my act to ‘SNL,’ those motherf – – – ers just felt bad for me. None of the cast I came up with saw this future for me. No, sir. All I have to say about that is, where’s Chris Kattan now? Where’s Cheri Oteri now? That bitch can’t even get arrested.”
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On loving Tina Fey: “Look at me, Tina Fey! I have to say it now and I’ll say it again: ‘I LOVE YOU, GIRL’ . . . She’s my sister, Tina Fey. I’m convinced that we were brother and sister in a past life.”
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On Lorne Michaels: “They say that every Jewish man has got to love one n – – – er in his life. I’m glad Lorne Michaels chose me.”
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On taking “SNL” actors to an after-hours strip club where two girls started having sex: “All the grips and crew guys from ‘SNL’ were standing around and loving it, but my castmates took one look at that, turned right around, and rushed out of there. They were all a bunch of Ivy League fa – – -ts and we’d taken it to the streets.” But the next day Morgan got a call that one person had stayed and wouldn’t leave: Horatio Sanz.
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On a party at Clive Davis’ place in 2004: “Chaka Khan tried to tongue-kiss me. I’m serious — Chaka just leaned in and went for it, and her breath smelled like Bacardi and franks.”
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On his sweet spot for Salma Hayek: “I’m telling you, whenever Salma came around, it was just me and her. She is my baby. If she gave me just a little time, I would make her the Octomom.”
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