Play “Misty” for us; they closed the coffin on the I-Nod Center last night.
Coincidentally, Larry Brown and his latest band of renown were in town.
If memory — and a cheat sheet — serve, it was Brown who escorted New Jersey into the Brendan Byrne Arena in 1981.
“Surely that warrants renaming a Jersey Turnpike rest stop after Larry,” colleague Kevin Kenney proposes. “Who ever heard of Grover Cleveland, anyway?”
Coincidentally squared, Next Town Brown, I’m informed, has received approval from Bobcats owner Michael Jordan to return home, home on the range — Philadelphia — where his wife, school-age children and the antelopes still play, to re-take control of the 76ers from top to bottom.
I presume permission isn’t activated until after the playoffs, but with Next Town, one can never be sure.
In any case, hopefully Sixers president/GM Ed Stefanski, who began his visit 2½ years ago, isn’t last to find out his visa is about to be revoked. Head coach Eddie Jordan has known for some time he’ll be terminated immediately, if not faster, following the team’s last game tomorrow in Orlando.
So far, sources are vague whether Allen Iverson will get his old job back as Franchise Player, but I hear Tyrone Hill is expected to stand behind Dikembe Mutombo to ensure his rocking chair doesn’t tip.
Meanwhile, back at The Swamp, the last roundup figured to be a tear-jerker. Then again, a breakaway faction of the Nets minions demands the sewer be sold and all the dough donated to Derrick Coleman.
Once, twice, three times an irony.
How considerate of Coleman to declare bankruptcy around the same time we began clearing our throats to bust out in a chorus of “Auld Lang Swamp.” Twenty years removed from the Nets jumping on his bones with the very first pick of the 1990 draft, and five years detached from a 15-season NBA career that enriched him by roughly $100 million, he filed Chapter 7. That was March 2. Two days ago, in a U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Detroit, Coleman listed assets worth $1M and debits totaling $4.7M, 50G of which he borrowed from Mayor/Pistons Hall of Famer Dave Bing.
Golly, wow and gee willikers! Could this be the Derrick Coleman I know and love?
You mean the guy who disdainfully rejected a $69M contract offer from the Nets in February 1994, but was graciously willing to accept $90M? I still have the black tee shirt Coleman’s agent proudly passed out to the media at the time. “I turned down 69 million dollars!” it brazenly proclaimed.
You mean the guy who mocked Bill Fitch’s dress code that stipulated players must wear suits or sport jackets when traveling? Upon boarding the team charter for their first road game, the jeans-clad Coleman handed the Nets coach a signed blank check to cover the fine for the whole season.
Cover the Nets and columns write themselves. As they embark for the warmth and fuzziness of downtown Newark, here are some not necessarily chronologically correct memories of the muck and mire that was the Meadowlands:
1) Brown being escorted off the Nets’ charter to Detroit at the conclusion of the ’82-’83 season as if were a shoe bomber. Majority owner Joe Taub went to the airport and confronted him re rumors he was flirting with Kansas. Told Next Town he had to make up his mind right then and there.
Brown called the Jayhawks AD and explained the situation. He was told the job was his. Taub fired him on the spot despite an impending playoff series with the Knicks. Hubie Brown swept assistants Bill Blair and Mike Schuler, 3-0. Next time Taub spoke to Brown was at his 2002 HOF induction.
2) Micheal Ray Richardson was a rung below Michael Jordan on the portability pedestal until drug addiction brought him to his skinned knees. Taub did everything possible to keep the Disoriented Express from derailing. Larry Doby made every road trip as his exclusive chaperone. As difficult as this may be to believe, it was Brown who provided a stabilizing influence. Minus his rubber crutch, Richardson disintegrated.
3) Chris Morris, whose untied shoelaces had a mind of their own.
4) Stan Albeck’s first round ’84 triumph — all three wins in Philly — against the defending champion 76ers. I’m still disappointed he left to coach the Bulls in ’84-’85 and become Oprah’s foot masseuse.
5) Drazen Petrovic’s pregame, jump-shooting absorption was worth the price of admission. Always emotional and commotional, his 44 points against the Hakeem-led Rockets is the highlight of Kenny Anderson’s time with him in New Jersey, says his former teammate.
6) Orlando Woolridge setting his hotel room on fire when smoking crack and the ensuing cover-up by Nets officials that cost them their jobs.
7) John Calipari, ignoring my TNT ’96 draft plea to choose Kobe Bryant, instead tabbing Kerry Kittles despite two sensational workouts by the schoolboy. Arn Tellem had warned the Nets’ decision-maker/boss his client would refuse to play for the Nets, and Calipari got “bogarted.” Can’t recall how 11 other teams excused screwing up before the Hornets picked Kobe No. 13 — and then, for cap purposes, waited two weeks before rerouting him to the Lakers for Vlade Divac.
8) Hooked on Stephonics. Let us pause to reflect it was Marbury who undercut teammate Jayson Williams during a game, thus ending his career. It appeared to be an accident, but they despised each other, so who knows?
9) Consecutive trips to the Finals, undoubtedly NBA’s finest hour.
9a) Joumana.
10) ’82 All-Star Game. You remember Larry Bird seemingly scoring every time his team needed a basket. I remember Cavaliers owner Ted Stepien and coach Bill Musselman walking me over to an isolated part of the arena. I expected the worst. Instead, they appealed to me to stop referring to them as “Septank” and “Musselhead.”
All they had to do was ask.