I had insane IM chemistry with a guy I met online. We were both really excited to meet each other, but then he canceled. We made plans to talk on the phone, but it never happened. In fact, he disappeared — for three weeks! Eventually, he popped up online and apologized profusely. He said he unexpectedly reconnected with an ex, but wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. Clearly confused, he asked if I’d consider going out with him. Am I a sucker for wanting to say yes?
— Clara, 31, East Village
Us women are suckers, period. It’s in our nature. In this case, it sounds like he’s all over the place, and not over his ex. Yet it also sounds like he’s into you, so I might go on the date — without any expectations. If you don’t expect anything, then you don’t risk getting hurt.
You could even be a soundboard for his situation and offer him support. (But truth be told, you like him. So that could be painful.) Either way, make sure to go in with limitations so that you can protect your heart.
If the chemistry proves to be just as intense as it was online, don’t let it go beyond a kiss — if that. (If you do anything more, and he decides to get back together with his ex, you’ll inevitably regret it and be disappointed in yourself.) If there’s still a connection, he’ll most likely feel it too, and maybe it’ll force him to make a decision about where he’s going with his ex versus where he wants to go with you. Make him work for the fact that he flaked on you. Demand respect to get respect. It’s as simple as that. If he’s unable to give it to you — then move on.
Is it sexist to think my girlfriend — whom I live with — should do my laundry when she does her own? What’s the big deal?
— Greg, 29, Upper East Side
It really depends on how much you help around the house. Do you do the dishes? Help keep the apartment clean? Cook dinner once in a while? If you answered no to all of these questions then yes, it’s sexist because you’re obviously leaving all the household jobs (once known way back when to be “women’s work”) to her, which is not OK.
Many women will happily cater to men — so long as it’s appreciated and he promises to pitch in once in a while.
I don’t see a problem with adding your laundry to a load that has to be washed and dried anyway. But maybe buy one of those three-section laundry basket separators for you both to use, so that she doesn’t have to go and separate your laundry on top of hers. This way, all she has to do is put it directly into the machines.
Also, try compromising with her. Say something like, “If you do the laundry then I will . . . ?” Think of something she could use help with. Relationships are all about compromise and balance. No one person should be doing all of the work. When that happens, feelings are harbored into resentment, which never leads to anything good. You’re partners and teammates. You both need to be pinch hitters. Good luck!
What should I plan for an extra-special (and racy!) 40th birthday for my wife? We’ve been happily married for 11 years.
— JJ, 39, Union Square
Normally I would tell you to plan a special romantic evening just for the two of you, but the 40th is a big deal. I would throw her a small dinner party with some of her closest friends. Great wine, great food and most of all — great company. This is a time for her to celebrate the day she was born with the people who care about her most. It’s also a great day to let her know how lucky you are that she’s in your life and how happy she’s made you.
Then, before she blows out the candle, surprise her with an envelope. In it, put two plane tickets to a romantic place that she’s been wanting to visit. Morocco? Bali? St. Bart’s? France? Italy? Napa? You two have been happily married for 11 years and it’s her 40th birthday, which makes this the perfect time for a trip she’s always dreamed about. As for the “racy” part, being in paradise with the person you love will bring that out naturally.
Have a question? E-mail AshleyDupre@nypost.com and follow her on Twitter at @ashleydupre.