For fans of the “Real Housewives” franchise, some tough choices lie ahead. Last year, “The Real Housewives of New York” concluded its second season before the premiere of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Viewers did not have to divide their loyalties and the New Jersey show quickly became the most watched of all the “Housewife” shows.
With a cast that seemed blissfully unaware of how “raw” they appeared on camera, and an unearthed scandal that made headlines — the arrest, 25 years ago, of former stripper Danielle Staub — the Jersey girls had something their New York sisters couldn’t touch: true notoriety. Top that off with a finale in which an outraged Teresa Guidice cursed out Staub (the words “prostitution” and “whore” became one in a display of vulgarity that was explosive and riveting) before she overturned a restaurant table., and the Jersey housewives wiped their New York sisters off the map.
Since then, the New York housewives have been playing catch-up.
This season, they came back all fired-up, seemingly determined to match their Jersey counterparts screech for screech, howl for howl and threat for threat.
The fighting positions memorably assumed by Teresa and Danielle were co-opted by former BFFs Jill Zarin and Bethenny Frankel. Each week, these shrews have something to scream, shout and gnash their teeth over.
The drama seems manufactured, to say the least.
For a show that used to traffic in staged charity events, petty squabbles over who sat in the front row at Fashion Week and embarrassing poolside behavior in the Hamptons, “The Real Housewives of New York” has had a hard time shifting gears from the completely vapid to the viscerally vindictive. This year’s major plot line goes like this:
Jill refused to talk to Bethenny. Refused. She was hurt, mad, furious, inconsolable, braying to the four winds over the way Bethenny responded to the news that Jill’s husband, Bobby, was ill.
Bethenny, who was preoccupied, as ever, with her exhaustive self-promotion, did not grasp the seriousness of her offense.
There was no apology that would appease Jill, who applied mascara like war paint and drew a line in the sand with a gold stiletto heel.
Crazy-eyed Ramona, who would tell the Pope off just for the hell of it, secretly invited Bethenny over to “talk” to Jill and she had a meltdown. Mascara running down her face like Bette Midler’s in that melodramatic payphone crying scene from “The Rose,” she told her new BFF, Countess Luann, that she felt “ambushed.”
Bethenny was demonized, left out in the cold, crying, with more moderate mascara, on the street.
Such scenes of middle-aged women dripping in designer duds and engaging in behavior best treated with sedatives are the staple of these shows, but they’re not always entertaining. After a few seasons of watching the New York housewives snipe at each other, the histrionics feel stale.
The payoff for the viewer is that feeling of superiority many people get from watching the those who regularly appear on reality television, but even schools of flounder would feel superior to “The Real Housewives of New York.” No one seems to mind, least of all the women, that they behave like very old, bellicose teenagers. Each New York housewife has her act down and has become a “character”
The New Jersey housewives are not yet as practiced at being television personalities and appear more “real.” Since some of them are related by blood and marriage, their interactions seem more natural and get-togethers more down-to-earth. Sadly, programmers at Bravo have already shown them doing their share of product placement and Danielle is still the big bad wolf that nearly everyone hates. But this show has only one loathsome character, instead of an entire cast of wack jobs.
In battle of New York vs. New Jersey, the Jersey housewives are the winners.
Next on ‘New York’
After fighting all season with Bethenny, who’s happily engaged and pregnant, Jill decides it’s time to bury the hatchet. Will Bethenny forgive and forget? But then Alex, who is generally the peacamaker in this tribe, has a huge, tear-filled argument with Jill. Ramona goes through with her gooey romantic plan to renew her wedding vows with her long-suffering husband, Mario.
* The Real Housewives of New York
Thursday, 10 p.m., Bravo
Next on ‘Jersey’
This season, the Housewives will be doing a lot of babysitting. Jacqueline has her son, Nicholas, and Teresa will give birth to a baby girl, Audriana. The women also find time to take a cruise to Italy. But there’s always trouble brewing back home. Danielle displays her talents as a pole dancer and seems to be behind a blowout at Caroline’s catering hall that requires police intervention.
* The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Monday, 10 p.m., Bravo