EXCESS: Little Gracie is escorted down the stairs by attendants at her sixth birthday party. The cake alone (above) was $2,100. (TLC)
If you have been known to call in the paramedics while watching “Toddlers & Tiaras” and must fight the urge to buy a stun gun while watching “My Super Sweet Sixteen,” may I suggest you immediately add “Outrageous Kid Parties” to your great list of horror-producing TV.
The channel devoted to all kinds of kiddy excess — from parents who can’t stop producing them to parents who can’t stop promoting them — TLC has come up with a show devoted to parents who can’t stop spending on them.
Yes, despite the fact that we now live in a country where families are losing their homes in record numbers, there are still revolting people who haven’t gotten the memo and don’t know that conspicuous consumption in these times encourages conspicuous contempt.
There are four episodes of “Outrageous Kid Parties” featuring spoiled kids and their unbelievable parents, although only one was available for screening. Rats.
On tonight’s episode, Nicole, a 45-year-old mother of a five-year-old named Gracie, decides to throw a party to celebrate a giant milestone in Gracie’s life: turning six.
Nicole — who makes her party planners lie to her husband, Jason, about the cost of everything, (one invoice for her husband and another for her), — tells them that Gracie “wanted the best and that’s what she’ll get!”
Hello, the kid is five! To her, the “best” is a party at Chuck E. Cheese or a three-dollar clown in her own backyard.
Nicole orders up a fairy princess theme because every girl wants to grow up to be a princess –right? No.
This princess-themed party includes neither the real-life princess bulimia exhibition nor the wicked stepmother-induced coma. Still, the fantasy costs $32,000.
Into this excess mess is added a Cinderella pumpkin coach for Gracie’s arrival, and a $2,100 birthday cake that the kid hates because the bird is purple instead of blue.
The highlight of the whole horrible party, however, is seeing husband Jason, who’s been forced by Nicole to dress up in a king outfit, complete with a bad wig. He ends up looking like the demon offspring of the Burger King mascot.
Mommy Nicole, meantime, spends bazillions to get all done up like a queen. Unfortunately, the only queen she resembles is Tammy Wynette — tragic queen of country music.
Outrageous excess? You bet.
And I want More! More! More!.