Who put the “jerk” in knee-jerk? The blockhead Emmy voters — that’s who.
In fact, these clowns have proven to us — at least over the last three years — that they are incapable of thinking outside the box, let alone outside the flat screen.
No? Then how could they have ignored not just the most-watched cable drama on TV, but the flat-out best drama last season on TV, “The Walking Dead”?
It was ignored in every category except prosthetic makeup. Seriously? Do they ignore it because they are such knuckleheads that they think “TWD” is about zombies, when it’s really about humans? In fact, the character development is so rich, every hack in Hollywood probably would, er, die to create characters like this.
Or maybe it’s because the voters are envious of such brilliance from what could/should have been mere shock-shlock? After all, they do vote in their own categories, and who wants to compete with perfection?
But even so, how can any actor with a conscience watch “TWD” and ignore Sheriff Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln), crossbow man Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus), scary, sword-wielding Michonne (Danai Gurira) or hair-challenged Carol (Melissa McBride)?
OK, so Emmys turn their noses up at zombies, but why do they do the same to the most relentlessly entertaining show on TV — “America’s Got Talent”? It’s only gotten one Emmy nom and it was for hairstyling. Hairstyling? Half the competitors are bald or wear funny hats.
But, as usual, Emmy will go for what is cool rather than what is great.
Here, then are shows we hope won’t get nominated this year at the expense of better TV:
* “The Good Wife”: The show’s become more about the bad husband than the good wife. Who needs Alicia (Julianna Margulies) when we have Silda and Huma?
* “Mad Men”: Great finale, but how many times can we ogle Joan’s boobs or watch Don fall down drunk? All grease and not enough machinery.
* “How I Met Your Mother”: We know how you met your mother, so enough already with the nominations.
* “Big Bang Theory”: Like the Big Bang itself, this over-nominated series is turning into a case of cosmic flatulence.
* “The Bible”: The viewership numbers for History’s miniseries were legion, but even the gluttonous King of Moab couldn’t have absorbed this much ham and cheese without getting gasbag overload. (See: “Big Bang Theory” above).
* “Homeland”: Season Two was nuttier than a night out with Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) — although if they pass over Mandy Patinkin again this year, the voters deserve a week alone with Carrie. In a car. When she’s off her meds.
* “The Amazing Race”: It’s no longer amazing or even interesting. Twelve teams traveling around is getting thinner than Bruce Willis’ hair.
* “Girls”: Alliteratively-monickered annoying adult women absorbing abuses — such as getting peed on and emptying their hostile man’s bedpan? Now that’s entertainment!