Entertainment

Over the Hill

When thinking back on the night that her husband — the slack-jawed, foul-mouthed president of the United States, Bud Hammond — was caught in a sex scandal, future Secretary of State Elaine Barrish remembers Bud telling her that she should leave him.

Good advice. Instead, Elaine says of his inauguration, “This ring sat there on the Bible . . . In that moment, I became the first wife. I married the nation!”

What?

That was my favorite laugh-out-loud moment of the second episode of USA’s “Political Animals,” a “limited series.” What is this, the Olympics?

The “event” was supposed to be a roman à clef about Hill and Bill on the Hill, with smart story-telling à la “Primary Colors.”

Instead, it’s more like primary Crayolas —brightly colored but not for making serious art.

Or better yet, think DC “Hillbilly Hand Fishin’” (pun intended). Creator Greg Berlanti scooped the slime at the bottom and came up with a smelly fish, when we’d been promised caviar.

Anyway, after much expository dialogue via reporters, we meet Hill, er, Elaine (played by the great Sigourney Weaver, who, God knows, deserves better, but delivers what she’s given like the pro she is), as she’s conceding her presidential bid to Paul Garcetti (Adrian Pasdar).

Garcetti, is, in the words of Bud Hammond (Ciaran Hinds), a “greasy Vito Corleone,” who can’t save his own “dago, greasy ass.”

But Elaine puts on her best bolero jacket and gaucho pants outfit anyway and makes that speech. She then tells Bud she wants that divorce, after all.

Next thing we know, the “greasy dago” is elected president and Elaine becomes secretary of state.

In between making the world safe for scandal, Elaine has to deal with her twin sons.

One, her chief of staff, Douglas (James Wolk), is engaged to bulimic Anne Ogami (Brittany Ishibashi). The other, T.J. (Sebastian Stan), is a troubled, gay stereotype who offers to do his mother’s hair — when he’s not attempting suicide, crying or having cocaine snorted off his abs by a one-night stand.

When T.J. goes missing, Elaine is so upset she has sex with foul Bud in a cheap motel with their secret-service agents posted outside the door. Why can’t they just have sex at her house?

Into the mix comes reporter/bitch Susan Berg, who is played by my all-time favorite TV actress, Carla Gugino, who trades the story of T.J.’s attempted suicide for exclusive access to Elaine.

Gugino really, really deserves better — although she’s still great. Ditto the wondrous Ellen Burstyn as Bud’s ex-chorus girl/boozer mom.

At the intimate family engagement dinner for Doug and Anne, to which the hated Berg is nonetheless invited, Bud makes the congratulatory speech.

“Ever since Dougie was a little s–t ,” he intones. “If I was going to pick one son to be a homo-sexshul it would be Dougie.” Help!

Bill Clinton, hardly my favorite president, was nothing if not charming, while Bud was born without the genes for charm or grace, and is so creepy and unappealing, that every time he makes the secretary of state cry, or worse, has sex (with everyone), it’s ludicrous to the point of crazy.

Still, Elaine will never really be over him. Luckily, viewers can be over him in about the time it takes to switch channels.

The actors are great, but the show isn’t.

H’wood loves Hillary

Enigmatic, ambitious, loyal to a fault, shrewd and blond, Hillary Clinton is a complex creation that Hollywood screenwriters wish they had the talent to create. But they don’t. So, they just adapt her life and give her another name.

Primary Colors”

In this 1998 adaptation of journalist Joe Klein’s thinly veiled novel about the Clinton presidency, British actress Emma Thompson plays “Susan Stanton,” a steely operator married to good old boy Jack Stanton (John Travolta).

“Saturday Night Live”

Fans loved Amy Poehler for her ability to play many different characters, but when she did a hysterical impersonation of Hillary, they went nuts.

“The Special Relationship”

In this 2010 HBO movie, Hope Davis played Hillary, when she got the news that Bill (Dennis Quaid) had lied about not having sex with Monica.