HAIR today – here to stay? Despite the hopes of Howard Stern fans, anarchists and crying preteen girls, “American Idol” loner Sanjaya Malakar doesn’t have a future in pop music. Even if he survives tonight’s competition, he’s no music star.
But his hair – his hair will last forever.
That 5-inch-high sculpted “ponyhawk” Sanjaya sported last week was a wonder, giving him a mysterious Sampson-like mystique tangled up in tangles.
It’s certainly why we’re tuning in this season – to gape at what the muskrat-haired mane-attraction munchkin will try next.
Apparently we’re not the only ones. The walking fashion error is officially the most-searched “American Idol” contestant this week on Yahoo! Buzz – surpassing previous winners Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, and even Antonella Barba’s “Girls Gone Wild” pictures.
“Sanjaya is in the top 1,000 searches on Yahoo! this week, and New York City is fifth-highest in number of searches coming in,” says Viera Chan, Yahoo! senior editor.
You sick, sick people.
It can’t be the voice. So it must be the ponyhawk. Like the manperm, or the mullet before it, there’s something about a guy’s hair standing straight and frozen in the air that could make any girl swoon.
To find out for sure, I phoned Fernando Garcia-Moran, a strapping Spanish New Yorker who had long locks even Malakar would envy. He is willing to see if the seven-inch-vertical-ponytails Sanjaya’s hair apparent
look is really the next big thing.
A broken comb, a sore hand and half a bottle of hairspray later, we head over to Rockefeller Center, where we are confident the crowds of tourists and businesspeeps on lunch break will embrace us and welcome the look with open arms.
“Look at that stupid guy’s hair!” is the first reaction from one khaki-clad man.
“Isn’t that the guy from ‘American Idol’?” his friend inquires.
They do look alike – in that charming “my hair is bigger than my body” sort of way.
Another woman even goes as far as to ask for his autograph. “Can you sing us something, please,” she pleads, jumping up and down while snapping her camera. “I love all your hairdos!” Clearly, she was a tourist.
Fortified, Fernando says, “They think I’m famous! This is a pretty good look.”
Sure, but that was before passersby – the ones who didn’t think he was grade-B celebrity – are slowing down, giggling and pointing – and not in a good way.
“That’s disgusting,” one older woman sneers, while gripping her husband’s arm tightly as she passes by him.
“That can’t be real,” another shouts. “It’s a gross wig!”
“Eeeeew!” whispers one teenage girl to her group of female friends. Staring and camera phones flashing ensue. No one in her group cries. At least not with joy.
I wonder how the “Idol” phenomenon had gotten this far in the competition. It seems that even in a fashion-forward city like New York, the mohawk is much too much. Poor Fernando begins to wonder if his ‘do isn’t really cutting-edge. How much more could the man endure?
Then, finally, out of nowhere, was someone who appreciates the concept: a fellow mohawker.
“If I had enough hair, I’d totally rock it that high,” the skinny-jeans- and chain-clad 20-something says. “It’s a cool look,” he declares, while petting his inferior tresses.
“I’m so jealous!” shouts an unlikely suited-up businessman. “I wish I had hair like that!” Of course, he is bald.
The results are in – and it’s a tie, dawg. So we turn to experts for advice.
“My first reaction to the ponyhawk was that whoever created it should be shot!” says Cody Hepworth, a hairstylist at Robert Kree Salon and former “American Idol” on-set stylist. “If a guy came in and asked for that, I’d tell him to go somewhere else! My name cannot be anywhere near that thing.”
But Haruo Noro, a hairstylist at Rita Hazan Salon, disagrees.
“I have a lot of young, male clients who request an edgier look – so I give them a mini-mohawk, and they absolutely love it!”
“A 5-incher is a little over the top, but the mini-mohawks – they’re definitely in.”