Sex & Relationships

What kind of flirt are you?

You think you’re a bad flirt? Jeff Hall, the author of “The Five Flirting Styles,” begs to differ. “You’re not bad at flirting,” he says. “You just don’t do it well in a bar or club!”

Alas, that’s still where most people think flirting occurs.

But Hall promises that being a successful flirt is just a matter of knowing what type of flirt you are, and how to make that work for you. Fortunately, he’s broken flirting down into five distinctive styles, so you can figure out where you’re most likely to excel.

Physical flirts

These flirts are great at conveying interest through physicality and non-verbal behaviors. They have no problem reaching out and touching someone playfully. Their relationships tend to be intense but short-lived.

They’re most successful at: Bars or clubs! They’re the only type of flirt who will go out to clubs by themselves. The loud music allows them an opportunity to showcase their non-verbal skills.

Polite flirts

This is someone who conveys attraction by showing respect and minding their Ps and Qs. They’re well-mannered and careful. Polite flirts have long-enduring relationships based on companionship and friendship. They take the longest to get into a relationship and will have known their partner for a long time. They tend to be on the older side — this kind of flirting is often employed by people over 40.

They’re most successful at: Places where they’ve already had an opportunity to find common ground with a potential partner. They’d likely have good luck at finding someone at a church or synagogue, or a group dedicated to a cause.

Traditional flirts

This person believes that men should be the pursuers and women should be passive and yielding. Women should be damsels in distress. The traditional flirting style is based on the idea of gender roles: Women who are this kind of flirt say they’d be very comfortable being a trophy wife, and that’s often precisely what the men often want.

They’re most successful at: College, and other places where people are in their early 20s.

Sincere flirts

They’re more pursuant than the polite flirt, but they do it through self-disclosure and conversation. They think talking about intellectual ideas is sexy.

They’re most successful at: First dates. They’ll be great on a date, because they’re adept at learning more about people and making conversation.

Playful flirts

This person flirts for fun. They love a self-esteem boost or free drink, or a way to get out of a parking ticket. They enjoy playing games and teasing people. They view flirting as being about the gamesmanship, and they think flirting is worth doing for its own sake. If you’ve ever been in a friends-with-benefits situation, you’re probably a playful flirt.

They’re most successful: On vacation, or, in college, on spring break. They’re great with people they’re not going to see for a prolonged period and are able to enjoy the early stages of relationships without getting too attached.