Hondo took charge of the Bettor’s Guide playoff standings by going undefeated in the conference championships to improve to 7-2-1 and clinch at worst a share of the postseason title.
If a .778 batting average isn’t enough cred for you to take a plunge with Mr. Aitch’s Supe selection, you may also want to consider that he has been money in the last five Super Bowls.
All aboard for No. 6!
Ravens-49ers: It’s tough to pick against Colin Kaepernick, who always has something up his sleeves, but the ink is on the wall.
The teams match up fairly evenly, but the Ravens are reputed to have the greatest leader in sports in Ray Lewis, who wisely played the retirement card before the playoffs. Now that he allegedly used deer-antler velvet extract (who hasn’t?) to hasten his healing, he probably should be known as “Deer Leader” or maybe “Buck.”
The talented Niners are the more likable group (fewer thugs like Suggs), but the Ravens have the greater emotional investment as they seem committed to sending their beloved obstructer of justice out with one last victory dance (for the cameras).
As for the brotherly aspect of the Bowl, Hondo’s guessing the football gods favor John. They didn’t give him the talent to be a player but will reward him with a coaching consolation prize. Ravens 31-21.
Celebrity Picks
HILLARY CLINTON (exasperated and shouting with fists clenched): WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?!?!
AL “THE PANT LOAD” ROKER: Not now, I’m changing my underwear.
BEYONCE: [She said something but it was impossible to read her lips.]
ANTHONY “RIDICULOUS BULGE” WEINER: 3 1/2 is a ridiculously small bulge — the Niners will expose ’em.
AL JAZEERA AMERICA: Both QBs throw the bomb well, but the Niners’ defense seems to have the greater ability to terrorize.
AL GORE: Definitely Niners — Us Als gotta stick together.
CHRIS CHRISTIE: I’ll tell you for a big bucket of wings and a plate of nachos.
GENERAL PETRAEUS: Hold on, let me get out from under my desk … It’ll be close early, but then I expect the Niners to surge like a general going after an cooperative biographer.
Other picks
Mrs. Aitch: Ravens 23-17; Hondo’s First Heir: Ravens 24-20; Hondo’s Second-But-Equal Heir: Niners 27-21; BarkingMut: 49ers 27-23; Emauler Ed Buckmir: 49ers 31-21; Siciliano (aka the Bronx Bomber): 49ers 26-20; K-Dog of Md.: 17-14; Mick Buckmir: unavailable.
And now, heeere’s Aswad! Paul Aswad (of the upstate Aswads) gets a paragraph for pulling a push out of his Aswad in Super Bowl XXXIV. And also because his name is “Aswad.” Aswad, who says his “year is not complete until I send my Super Bowl pick to you” (apparently, the Aswadian calendar lasts a little more than a month), offers the following: “This year I am very confident about my selection. Kaepernick is the real deal and will be MVP. 49ers 27-17.”
Other areas of interest
Let’s give a HondoNation standing O to Steve Kroft for presiding over that 30-minute slobber-fest with Hillary and Obama on “60 Minutes.” It no doubt earned the “newsman” a LapDog Media Loyalty Award from the Administration.
Dan Marino has a love child that he is taking care of financially. Evidently, that quick release he was known for can be both a blessing and a curse. Either that or his protection broke down.
Emauler Ed Buckmir says if Marino didn’t want another child he should have gone to the fake-spike play he used against the Jets.
According to Dr. Phil, hoaxer Ronaiah Tuiasosopo “fell deeply, romantically in love” with Manti Te’o. Guess that means if you’re ever in the shower with Ronaiah, be careful about dropping the Tuiasosopo.
Former Miss Hooters-turned Mrs. Wes Welker trashed Ray Lewis after the Ravens beat the Patriots because, with six children by four women, she feels the Raven LB is a bad good role model. Lewis said he forgives her and refrained from commenting on her two breasts by however many doctors.
If Bill Parcells doesn’t become a Hall of Famer tomorrow, it might be because, with two Supe victories, the voters won’t want to make Supe-less Hall occupants such as Bud Grant, George Allen and Marv Levy look bad.
In music news of note, Rihanna announced she is back with Chris “Slap ’Em Around” Brown. Industry observers expect the couple to collaborate on some hits any day now.
Congress approved the $50 billion Sandy aid bill this week. Finally, after three months of suffering by New York and New Jersey residents, The Hug seen round the country paid off.
That was some lineup David Letterman had on Tuesday night: Sylvester Stallone and Al Gore. With Fat Albert now looking as big as a moose, it should have been billed as Rocky and Bullwinkle.
“Big Oil” Gore apparently has been putting that $100M he collected for selling out to Qatar-owned Al Jazeera to good use by feeding the hungry — especially himself.
Hypocrisy must increase the appetite.
From BarkingMut of SoBe: Clint Eastwood now says the empty chair he was addressing at the Republican convention last August actually was filled by Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend.
BarkingMut2: Disgraced ex-N.O. Mayor Ray Nagin, who called for New Orleans to be rebuilt into “a chocolate city”after Katrina, says this is the second Super Bowl with two brothers as the head coaches. The first was in 2007 when Tony Dungy squared off with Lovie Smith.
“Economic recovery has begun,” President Obama declared 11 days ago during his inauguration speech. And now, with the GDP at -0.1, it has ended.
And so has Hondo till March 31. Peace!