Desperately real housewives
After New York, New Jersey, Miami, Beverly Hills, Orange County and Atlanta, where should Bravo’s marquee show head next? Well, that’s easy: an underused location on a gorgeous Pacific island called Alcatraz. This time, though, all cast members from previous shows must appear, and this time they must be armed with chain saws as well as stilettos.
Redneck reality
Dadgummit, network folk: “Duck Dynasty” may be weirdly compelling, but do we really need to recombine its DNA with “Pawn Stars” to give us the crawfish epic “Swamp Pawn”? There’s also CMT’s “Bayou Billionaires,” “My Big Redneck Wedding” and “Redneck Island,” Discovery’s “Moonshiners” and A&E’s “Backyard Oil” and “Lady Hoggers.” What’s next, “Squirrel Soup” on Food Network? Or “The Bachelor: All-Cousin Edition”?
Sexy vampires
Talk about working a vein till it bleeds oxygen. We’ve got Jonathan Rhys Meyers doing NBC’s “Dracula.” We’ve got those bayou bloodsuckers of HBO’s “True Blood.” We’re got those Dawson’s Creek dracs over at the CW’s “Vampire Diaries” and “The Originals.”
And yet: Still. More. Coming. Next February brings us the bigscreen “Vampire Academy.” Tagline? “They suck at school.” I have a feeling this movie is going to suck at getting laughs.
Mockumentary
It was kinda, sorta revolutionary when the British version of “The Office” did it, even though “Spinal Tap” did it years before that and Albert Brooks did it back in 1979 with the movie “Real Life” and Woody Allen beat him by a decade with “Take the Money and Run.” But the characters-talking-to-the-camera idea has been stale for at least five years, and these days it’s just an easy way for the lazy writers of “Parks and Recreation” or “Modern Family” to slip in the exposition.