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It’s time to call this what it is.
Adultery has become more than a sinful, dangerous and potentially lucrative pastime. The art of a grown-up spending sweaty nights with someone else’s husband or wife isn’t just a hobby filled with potential pitfalls: weird pick-ups, jealous spouses and — paging Liberace! — sexually transmitted diseases.
It’s a kind of prostitution.
A Gallup poll last month revealed a vast majority of Americans — 92 percent — think married men and women having affairs is morally wrong. Cheating beat out male polygamy as a no-no (90 percent don’t like the idea of multiple wives) and human cloning (79 percent).
Yet, despite the societal aversion to extramarital relations, whether it be for fun or profit, forces within the culture would have you believe monogamy is for losers, fatties or men afflicted with erectile dysfunction.
When did zipless sex become so mainstream?
In the past few weeks, we have seen the sex worker, in all her delusional glory, take over a Manhattan courtroom where three self-described hookers made the jaw-dropping assertion that alleged father-son pimps have hearts of gold pumping inside their greedy, exploitative chests.
Charged with sex trafficking are alleged lady procurers Vincent George Sr., 56, and Vincent George Jr., 34. The father-son duo allegedly brought women from Pennsylvania to the city six days a week, where hookers performed $300 tricks in swanky hotels.
The younger George was caught on audiotape allegedly calling the women “bitches’’ and “cheap ho’s,’’ and threatening a sex worker that he’d “knock your f—ing’’ teeth out. Glamorous?
“He’s a teddy bear!’’ pretty, blond self-described hooker Desiree Ellis declared from the witness stand. She testified that hooking with her fellow “wife-in-laws’’ was a solid career, complete with loving pimps and a benefits package that included houses, cars, ski vacations, weekend barbecues and paid maternity leaves.
“One wonders in this economy if a girl can make up to 10 grand a week . . . why more don’t do it,’’ said defense lawyer Howard Greenberg. A judge is set to decide June 19 if the admitted pimps committed a crime.
The happy-hooker theme, which dates back even before Julia Roberts bedded Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman,’’ has taken off in these amoral days. It has seeped into network television, a cold landscape where extramarital affairs are normalized and celebrated.
ABC last week debuted “Mistresses’’ (pictured). Based on a British series, the show, with its lush shots depicting soft-core porn, tells the tales of four impeccably dressed women who glorify the world’s oldest profession.
But these gals don’t call themselves “hookers’’ — though they provide the same services, free of charge.
In the show, Savannah (Alyssa Milano) wants a baby with her husband, Harry (Brett Tucker). When Harry grows surly after learning that the failure to procreate is his fault, Savi, a lawyer, does what comes naturally. She has sex with a colleague, right in the office.
Psychiatrist Karen (Yunjin Kim of “Lost” fame) had an affair with a patient who died. She’s upset — not that her paramour is gone, but that he spent his final minutes with his wife.
Savi’s free-spirited sister, Josslyn (Jes Macallan) sleeps with anyone, male or female, provided they’re wed. April (Rochelle Aytes) learns her late husband had a second family. Doesn’t anyone work?
There has been pushback. Elaine Bradley, drummer for the Utah-based band Neon Trees, objected to the show’s infantile tag line, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.’’
“Um, you CAN choose to NOT sleep with a married man. Just sayin,’’ she tweeted.
“It’s desensitizing America,’’ complained Monica Coles, director of One Million Moms, which is organizing an advertiser boycott of “Mistresses.’’
“The name pretty much says it all. It’s a show about adultery. It puts it in a positive light. Most of these characters feel no guilt.’’
The worst part is that “Mistresses’’ degrades women. Gals here offer a lame excuse for freely scratching their itches: They’re channeling the appetites of married guys, from ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner to ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer.
This is equality? The mistresses seem to contend that they’re as incapable as men of controlling their libidos. Rubbish.
We’re not animals.
Sad Paris needs her mom now
Paris Jackson, just 15, never asked for this.
“I want to live!’’ the distraught child yelled, Stacy Brown reported in The Post, en route to a California hospital after downing Motrin and slashing her wrists with a knife last week in an apparent suicide attempt. Some relatives called it “another cry for attention.’’
Born into a deeply dysfunctional clan, Paris saw her dad, Michael, die from a drug OD four years ago. Her grandmother Katherine, 83, has guardianship of her, but spends much time absorbed in a cash-seeking wrongful-death lawsuit against concert promoter AEG. Meanwhile, co-guardian T.J. Jackson, 34, has moved two hours from Paris’ home. Child-welfare workers are investigating the sad, strange mess.
Into this house of horrors emerges Paris’ biological mom. Debbie Rowe reportedly raked in millions in alimony from Michael after handing him parental rights to Paris and her older brother, Prince, 16. At this late date, Rowe is said to want custody of Paris.
Even a long-lost mother is better than none. Save Paris.
Douglas has forked tongue
Shortly after telling Britain’s Guardian that he contracted throat cancer by performing oral sex on an unnamed woman, actor Michael Douglas received an award from the American Cancer Society at its 100th Anniversary gala in New York.
Awkward.
As the big-mouth “Wall Street’’ actor hit the stage, his rep, Allen Burry, tried to deny the story. He claimed that Douglas never said he received the cancer-causing human papillomavirus — HPV — from oral sex. Only that some people do.
But The Guardian released audio in which Douglas undeniably linked his sex life to his sickness. His wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones, was a no-show at the cancer event.
HPV is serious stuff, and Douglas is irresponsible to say in one breath that he has it — then, maybe not. He needs to shut up.
Mrs. O sets heckler straight
Michelle Obama taught a master class in manners last week when she dressed down a lesbian activist who heckled her at a Washington fund-raiser.
Michelle was talking education, when the woman interrupted to jaw about gay rights. The first lady snapped, “Listen to me or you can take the mike, but I’m leaving!’’ The audience yelled that Michelle should stay.
The rude woman was escorted from the event.
Courtesy is back!
Nazis and children don’t mix
“Prisoners get to see their children, murderers get to see their children. What’s so horrible about being a Nazi?’’ Heath Campbell, in Nazi uniform, said outside a New Jersey courtroom last week.
The master-race fan and alleged domestic batterer, who named his older son Adolf Hitler, came to court to ask a judge for visitation rights with his toddler boy, Heinrich.
Children shouldn’t spend time with murderers.
Or Nazis.