Opinion

MICE, SLIPPERS EXTRA

Jerramy Fine is convinced that she was switched at birth. Her parents cannot be the Colorado hippies who raised her, support hemp as a solution to global warming, and spend Christmas at a clothing-optional hot springs commune.

She must have been born to a terribly civilized British couple of class and wealth, probably royal. Otherwise, why would she have the unceasing need to marry a prince?

First time author Fine explores her search for a royal husband that occasionally borders on stalking. To her credit, her scheme involves acceptance at a college far away from her cow town, foreign exchange opportunities, an internship in the House of Commons, and a chance meeting with the object of her affection’s mother in her first month abroad.

Playing hard to get doesn’t some easily to a girl who goes all gooey whenever she hears an English accent. She gets drunk (a lot) and makes out (a lot) with every Brit who says something charming to her, or even says something mundane but with an adorable Hugh Grant stutter.

In her research, she learns that modern princesses no longer have to be royal, pure, or even British. They need only have immaculately grooming, impeccable style, and a brilliant career. She eventually goes on to the London School of Economics to meet her match.

Fine is at her best when simply telling her unique story without pausing to clarify or parenthetically comment. At one point while desperately trying to find legitimate employment before her student visa expires, she stops and says, “I won’t bore you with the painful details . . .” Go ahead. Most of us haven’t come close to marrying a handsome, gay Englishman in order to live in London. We’d love to hear the details that put the kibosh on that plan.

In the end, Fine is led to her prince by a gang of rugby oafs who urinate on her carpet and dry it with a clothes iron because the wee hair dryer was too slow. Any woman who has spent any time searching for a good man will enjoy this real life adventure, warts and all.

Someday My Prince Will Come

True Adventures of a Wannabe Princess

by Jerramy Fine

Gotham Books