THE baby monster must be stopped! Stuck in a midlife crisis, Madonna is hoping to soothe the pain of being 50, manless and well past her freshness-expiration date by taking home a Third World daughter to match the last baby she bought like a human trinket.
Recently divorced for the second time, and accompanied by three children who should be in school — and not advancing Madonna’s pathetic cry for help — she has traveled to the African nation of Malawi.
There, she’s desperately seeking new ways to find attention and affection not seen since the time she simulated intercourse onstage and publicly tongue-kissed a young Britney Spears — in front of her daughter, Lourdes. Which just goes to show that when you’re rich and famous, you have nothing to fear from the child-welfare apparatus.
Madonna has her sights set on scooping up innocent, precious Mercy James, a 4-year-old girl who has no living mother, but a devoted granny and a breathing father. One must assume that Madonna, who ensured that her last Malawian tot, David Banda, was perfectly healthy in a nation decimated by AIDS, has her hopes set on a good one.
Poor little Mercy. She doesn’t stand a chance.
In choosing poor Mercy, Madonna not only plans to, once again, circumvent Malawian law, which prohibits foreigners from adopting, but she ignores a significant and needy orphan population right here in the United States. Mixed-race children cry at night, waiting for parents.
But for Madonna, Americans are not good enough. Saving the planet is her fixation. And Malawi’s curse.
The pop slut’s first foray into baby-snatching was so easy it’s become an addiction. Madonna and her entourage whirled into Malawi, dazzling locals and confusing David’s father, who did not seem to understand that he was signing away his flesh and blood forever to a woman with the morals of an alley cat and the depravity of a vulture. Nothing against cats and vultures.
The dad, Yohane Banda, could not even read the document he signed.
Madonna proceeded to patronize Yohane, whom she rolled over like a tractor, telling Oprah Winfrey he was a “simple” man.
This time, it is as if the entire African continent is ready to revolt against the singer, who believes she has the authority to purchase human beings like so much matched furniture.
“We feel Madonna is behaving like a bully,” said Undule Mwakusungula, chairman of the Human Rights Consultative Committee. “She has the money and the status to use her profile to manipulate, to fast-track the process.”
Little Mercy’s grandmother, meanwhile, said taking the girl was “stealing.”
Once again, Madonna has chosen a child who is not an orphan.
Mercy is being groomed to join a brood that, Madonna has boasted, is denied the pleasures of eating ice cream, because of Madonna’s aversion to dairy products.
Other questionable practices include unhealthy doses of Madge’s pet belief system, kabbalah. In order to buy David, she set up a school in Malawi, where kabbalah is preached.
Why can’t Madonna just write a check and go home? Madonna ought to find a new hobby. Or a young man. Or an old one.
The children of the world are not safe, as long as her midlife crisis rages unchecked.