ADAM Sandler, the most neu tered major star in Holly wood even in his romantic comedies, finally gets sexy as an Israeli commando turned New York hairdresser in the scattershot comedy “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.”
That he seems more believable getting jiggy with Lainie Kazan, Charlotte Rae and assorted other 70- and 80-something actresses than with his gorgeous leading lady is something that perhaps only Sandler’s therapist can explain. Maybe next he can star in a remake of “Portnoy’s Complaint.”
Sandler looks uncharacteristically buff – though that may be one of the movie’s many cheesy special effects – in the proudly Jewish star’s twisted salute to Israel’s 60th birthday, his crudest comedy since the cruelly underrated “Little Nicky,” the new film’s ludicrous PG-13 rating notwithstanding.
The fish-out-of-water story, written by a committee including Sandler and Judd Apatow, is little more than a protracted “Saturday Night Live” sketch.
Tired of matching wits with a Palestinian terrorist called the Phantom (John Turturro, raising funds for his next directing gig), Sandler’s Zohan fakes his own death and turns up in Brooklyn – a Paul Mitchell stylebook from the ’80s in hand – as Scrappy Coco, aspiring hairdresser.
He lands on the Sony backlot version of Atlantic Avenue, where an employee at an electronic store called Going Out of Business recognizes him as Zohan and steers Scrappy to a job at a struggling salon run by a Palestinian knockout (the charming Emmanuelle Chriqui).
All goes fairly well until a dimwitted Palestinian cab driver (a cringe-worthy Rob Schneider), who also recognizes Zohan, tips off the Phantom after unsuccessfully trying to bomb the salon using . . . Neosporin.
How much you like this will depend upon your appreciation for repeated jokes about hummus, gays, Zohan’s crotch (as overstuffed as a Stage Deli sandwich) and his fondness for older women (Sandler regular Nick Swardson plays Kazan’s nauseated son). Plus a parade of celebrity cameos from the likes of Henry Winkler, Mariah Carey and George Takei.
Directed with sledgehammer subtlety by Dennis Dugan (“I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”), “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” throws in a brotherhood plea that’s about as convincing as Sandler’s Israeli accent, which wavers over three continents.
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN
Teenage boy “Shampoo.”Running time: 113 minutes. Rated PG- 13 (crude and sexual content, profanity, nudity). At the E-Walk, the Orpheum, the Chelsea, others.