COMBINING the intelligence of an action movie with the excitement of an art-house release makes “Mongol” as dry as summer in the Gobi Desert.
This biography of the young Genghis Khan presents a warlord so chatty and flirtatious that he might as well have been called Genghis Hanks. As a young boy, the headstrong lad picks out his future bride (actually, she picks him) from a random tribe instead of a politically powerful group, but on the plus side he picks up a promise to win a sable coat as a dowry. Cha-ching!
Later, with his father dead and a pretender usurping the title of khan, young Temudgin (the future Genghis) vows vengeance – then essentially tells his men to hold that thought. He has to go look up this girl he hung out with for about 10 minutes several years ago.
The conquesting is shunted mostly to the side as Temudgin takes breaks to chat about, for instance, how beautiful the Mongol language is – to put the kindest possible spin on it, it sounds a bit like a goat spitting up his lunch – or about where to put which yurt. Meanwhile his enemies keep capturing – but forgetting to kill – him.
The story starts to turn from the wrath of Khan to the wrath of audience when, locked in prison, Temudgin sits there like a lost poodle at the pet shelter, waiting to be rescued instead of busting out. A movie with dialogue like “I didn’t know that day would change my life forever” and “Don’t you want to touch me, Temudgin?” needs a bit more action.
When Khan finally builds his one-man force into an entire army and a battle plan, he does so off-screen, between scenes, because the film is more interested in showing him picnicking with his kids.
Director Sergei Bodrov stages a couple of splattery yet artful battle scenes – including one in which a gang of ruffians wears what look like cool hockey masks covered with graffiti – and there is a weird and jittery score reminiscent of the one in “There Will Be Blood.” Even so, “Mongol” really isn’t worth leaving your yurt for.
MONGOL
Borelord.In Mongolian with subtitles. Running time: 124 minutes. Rated R (war violence). At the Sunshine, the Lincoln Plaza.