WELCOME to a place where the quantity of alcohol is exceeded only by the concentration of sexual energy among those drinking it. No, it’s not an episode of “The Real World.” This is a summer share house in the Hamptons.
The idea seems simple enough: One person, the house manager, drops thousands of dollars to rent a large house for the
summer. Then he fills the place with as many single beds as can possibly fit and charges dozens of 20- and 30-somethings to stay there on weekends.
Privacy is nonexistent, but when you’re that drunk, it hardly matters.
“Within the first hour of arriving, I was proposed to by a total stranger,” says Dina, a resident at a Southampton share house this summer. “Then I saw the basket of condoms.”
Indeed, the house manager, who calls himself “Jew Hefner,” had placed not only condoms, but useful manuals such as
the Kama Sutra, out on the kitchen table.
“If any of the girls complain about their room being too crowded, I invite them to share my big bed,” he explains.
Most guests pay about $1,200 for a quarter share (four weekends) or twice that for a half share (eight weekends).
Depending on the quality of the house and the number of beds in one room, that price can rise or drop considerably. The house manager advertises on Craigslist and other Web sites, and then screens potential guests through phone conversations or in-person meetings at happy hours.
Often the house manager doubles as a local club promoter, and arranges taxis to bring 30 or 40 people from his house to the hottest Hamptons clubs, be they Pink Elephant, Dune or La Playa. It’s when the totally inebriated residents return home after the club outing that the true debauchery begins – a process poetically described by author Jasmin Rosemberg. Her new novel, “How the Other Half Hamptons,” out this month, is a study of share house culture, including the elegant mantra, “Ugly ass trumps no ass.”
One share house manager remembers waking up one
morning at 5, only to find someone had dragged the garden hose into the living room and was spraying down his drunken housemates (He now locks up the hose at night, along with the stereo speakers).
There’s one other thing about the Hamptons share house: It’s illegal to put that many unrelated people at a single address. If the cops discover a share house,
they close it down, and nobody gets a refund. For first-time sharehouse residents – or even veterans who are used to sleeping in a windowless bedroom with six strangers – it can be a little daunting. Rosemberg offers this advice:
1. Try to sign up for a house by following the recommendations of friends rather than the Internet. Otherwise, you might find yourself staying in a house of aging men trolling for ladies.
2. Check to make sure the bed linens are clean before you
start drinking. You don’t want
to be too drunk to care and
crawl into a used bed.
3. Pack a sleeping bag, just in case you return home to find someone sleeping in your bed.
4. A large mirror may seem like a lot to carry with you, but when 40 people are trying to use four bathrooms, lines to put on makeup can get pretty long.
5. Don’t bring any electronics or jewelry that you can’t afford
to lose to theft or drunken
foolishness.
6. With all the cars in the
driveway, expect to be moving yours in and out all day long. Bring an extra set of keys with you, just in case the first set gets lost or locked in the car.
7. Get out of the house from time to time! With 30 people lounging by the pool, it’s easy
to spend every daylight hour there. But the Hamptons are bigger than your back terrace. Go see them.
8. If you plan to go to the beach, however, be ready to drop $30 on parking.
9. Don’t expect any food you leave in the fridge to be there when you return.
10. Share houses can also be good for making friends and business networking. At
least, that’s what you should tell yourself if you fail to get any action.
Crazy characters
OH, what cliched creatures lurk in the halls of the Hamptons share house! See if you can spot these types:
1. The junior banker
This guy fully expects to have his own summer home in the Hamptons one day, and thinks of a share house as a laugh and a way to get laid.
2. The poacher
This is the older guy who probably could afford his own hotel room, but takes a share to hunt for younger girls.
3. The gold digger
A young woman who has come to the Hamptons to prospect for rich single men and turn them into “supportive” husbands.
4. The super-hot girl everyone wants
Yup, there’s one in every house.
5. The shady house manager
He talks a big game about making memories and giving everyone the summer of his or her life – but really, he’s only interested in making money and getting laid.
6. The freeloading bum
This is the guy/girl who didn’t pay for a bed but hopes to sneak a place on the floor. This type often shows up late at night, when everyone is returning from the club, trashed.
7. The party animal
The one who earns the respect of his/her
housemates by drinking them all under the table, doing keg-stands by the pool and performing that most time-honored of all collegiate tricks, the “Boot and Rally” which involves vomiting and then merrily continuing to drink.
8. The unexpected Don Juan
This is the quiet type – who ends up bedding half the house.