1. He says: The UN should be moved to “somewhere more comfortable . . . All of you are tired, having jet lag . . . All of you are asleep.”
We say: You should have stayed at a Holiday Inn.
2. He says: “The swine virus may have been put together in a lab by the military. They make viruses for capitalist companies who will make vaccinations and make money.”
We say: Stop watching the SyFy channel.
3. He says: “Arabs have not hostility nor animosity towards Israel.”
We say: What planet have you been pitching your tent on?
4. He says: “Did the airplanes [on 9/11] take off from Afghanistan? These planes were from Kennedy Airport.”
We say: Actually, they took off from Logan, Dulles and Newark airports.
5. He says: “Jack Ruby, an Israeli, killed Lee Harvey Oswald. Why did this Israeli kill Harvey? The whole world should know that Kennedy wanted to investigate the actions of the Israeli nuclear reactor in Dimona.”
We say: Apparently, you’re not just a nut, but a conspiracy nut.
6. He says: “Leave Afghanistan to the Afghanis. Let there be civil war in Iraq.”
We say: A sound foreign policy.
7. He says: “Somalis are not pirates. We are the pirates. We took their fish. We took their wealth.”
We say: Yo, ho, what?
8. He says: “Why are we against the Taliban? Those terrorists who hit New York City, are they Taliban? Are they Afghani?”
We say: News flash — the Taliban sheltered Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda.
9. He says: “A peaceful country like Yugoslavia, we destroyed. We come and dismantle it for imperialist personal interests.”
We say: Apparently, your idea of peace is war, famine and genocide.
10. He says: “We would be happy if Obama would stay forever as president.”
We say: It may come as a surprise to a dictator-for-life, but under the 22nd Amendment to the US Constitution, presidents are limited to two terms.