There are two main reactions that people have had to news that members of the virulently anti-gay, anti-Semitic Westboro Baptist Church are planning to picket outside a high school and three Brownstone Brooklyn synagogues this week.
The first reaction is the political one — the calm words of our elected officials who urge everyone to remain peaceful and essentially ignore the protesters as they enjoy the very Constitutional rights that they would deny others.
The second reaction comes more from the gut — we Brooklynites should let the Kansans know, in the most physical of ways, that if they’re going to come to our neighborhoods and tell us how to live, they’re going to leave with a bloody nose.
(By the way, this reaction was best demonstrated in Woody Allen’s classic, though poorly titled, film, “Manhattan”: “Has anybody read that Nazis are going to march in New Jersey,” his character asks a friend. “We should get some guys together, you know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to them. … A satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point.”)
Though both reactions have their appeal, we prefer a third way: Hey, kids, let’s put on a show!
Having seen similar protests by the Westboro bigots around the country, we’ve been most impressed by counter-protesters who put on display the very things that these Kansas lunatics detest. In San Francisco, gay men have kissed in front of protesters holding signs reading “God hates fags.”
But we prefer the theater of the absurd. One of the dozens of commenters on our online story about the Westboro bigotry said counter-protesters at a similar hatefest once dressed as pirates, held stuffed toy parrots and yelled out, “Arrrgh, mateys” every few minutes. The media ended up covering the pirates more than the bigots.
And in Chicago earlier this year, counter-protesters trotted out their own parodic versions of Westboro Church members’ “God hates America” signs with “God hates the new Facebook” and “God hates dial-up.”
We think Brooklyn can do even better. Here are some suggestions:
• Buy an ice cream cone and eat it really messily — so messily that news photographers can’t help but take a picture of the disgusting scene. Say you are protesting the tyranny of neatness in America today.
• Dress up in colonial-era garb and hold signs indicating your contempt for the Alien and Sedition Acts. If asked by anyone in the media, say you are a Whig.
• Wear a black-and-white-striped shirt, a beret and white face paint and perform a mime piece in protest of the widespread hatred of mimes worldwide.
• Dress up as Mr. Met and wear a huge “Kick me” sign. Actually, that’s not a protest. That’s deserved.
As you can see, pretty much anything will work. Old standbys include stripping down to nothing but a leather G-string and open-mouth kissing any same-sex person you see.
Calm press releases from politicians or calls to violence from other haters are no substitute for shoving our lifestyles right in these jerks’ faces.