WHEN it comes to geopolitical intrigue, the Caribbean is more Nebraska than the Balkans. Even the sudden demise of the Netherlands Antilles earlier this month (anyone? No? St. Maarten and Curacao are now free from the iron fist of the Dutch — sort of) won’t amount to much more than a few flagpole swaps and new, undoubtedly wacky-colored currencies.
But that’s precisely why we dig this part of the world. No sectarian bloodshed, no border crises, no religious beefs — at least none that we blissfully ignorant tourists have to be kept abreast of while chilling at the swim-up bar.
Instead, the most news-worthy, most headline-grabbing drama on the islands concerns what new resort is opening where, or which are renovating their butts off in order to keep up with it. If you’ve prematurely written off the region as been there, done that, it’s time to for a revisit. Here are 8 new or improved Caribbean pads to check out.
1) HARD ROCK HOTEL Dominican Republic
Are you or someone you know suffering from Punta Cana-itis? Symptoms include resort burnout and a general malaise regarding the fact that in Punta Cana, there really is no there, there. Now, however, there’s a little Vegas there — as of of Nov. 1, the Moon Palace resort will have officially transformed into the Hard Rock Hotel — a 457-slot-machined, 1,800-roomed, Rock Spa-rejuvenating, Kerry Simon-restauranting, Jack Nicklaus-greened, 11-pooled, all-inclusive mind/body explosion. The casino onsite will be the largest on the island with 40 game tables, 457 slot machines and a full sports book. Book a stay by Dec. 23 and get 20 percent off the rack rate.
INFO from $308; hardrockhotels.com
2) W RETREAT & SPA Vieques
Wait, what’s the difference between a retreat and a resort? Who knows/cares, but one thing’s for certain, this latest incarnation of a hotel that’s flown more flags than Louisiana sure is relaxing. The Dubya concept gets the Boricuan treatment on this small island right off the eastern coast of Puerto Rico’s mainland. That translates into patios and balconies for all, two private beaches, upscale Caribbean chow-downs at Alain Ducasse’s miX on the Beach and an Infinity-edge WET pool bar that keeps a good looking crowd on the regular. Keep an eye out for the artist-in-residency program and 5-day fitness retreats in the near future.
INFO from $589; wvieques.com
3) FOUR SEASONS Nevis
Next time you’re thinking about your next trip, ask yourself: What Would Mark Consuelos Do? (Dude locked down Kelly Ripa, so he knows a thing or two about what’s hot.) The Consuelos-Ripa clan frequent what we consider to be one of the region’s best resorts — or at least they did until Hurricane Omar struck in October 2008, closing it down for a good two years. But the water’s been mopped up, and millions have been spent on a much-needed renovation that includes new rooms, new landscaping and new menus for three out of the four restaurants. It reopens Dec. 15, reservations are already being taken.
INFO Book 3, stay 4, from $446; fourseasons.com
4) GOLDENEYE Jamaica
During WWII, Ian Fleming, then a spook for the British navy, came up with Operation GoldenEye — a plan to defend Gibraltar if the Nazis took Spain. Luckily, it didn’t have to be put into motion. But even luckier, that kick butt name didn’t go to waste. After the war, GoldenEye was the name Fleming would call the estate he had built in Ocho Rios, where he just so happened to write all 14 of his 007 novels. In recent years, GE’s been operating as an all-inclusive, but owner (and Island Records founder) Chris Blackwell has wisely rebirthed it as an intimate, romantic kind of a deal, that’s also stylishly high-tech, even by Q’s standards. Each of its 22 units — nine new Beach Cottages, two new Lagoon Cottages, six new Lagoon Suites, Fleming’s original villa and the four built by Blackwell — feature a Logitech Squeezebox sound system and WiFi. Some rooms open to the beach, others to the lagoon, good luck deciding which is awesomer. It’s reopening got pushed back to Nov. 12; worth the wait.
INFO from $560 ($840 in high season); goldeneye.com
5) VICEROY Anguilla
There is no Viceroy hotel in Des Moines. No, the brand birthed in Santa Monica tends to spawn in playgrounds of the rich, such as Aspen and Beverly Hills. As of November last year, Anguilla, too; the resort there spans over a half-mile mile of west-end beachfront. It’s been an uphill battle for the property, financing-wise — in fact, the hotel has been “opening” for nearly a year now — but the final phase has finally been completed, a new spa and restaurants are a go restaurants (local-fare-offering Aleta has walls covered in shiny, ornamental fish, if that’s your thing), so everything appears to be in hand, and everyone else can just lie back and enjoy the 166-unit hideaway. More importantly, it still provides all that beautiful beach footage down around Barnes and Meads Bays. Like the rest of its siblings, the place ain’t cheap, but such is life on Anguilla.
INFO from $695 in Nov.; viceroyanguilla.com
6) TURTLE BEACH St. Kitts
Give us your tired, your poor? Not on St. Kitts, which is trying hard to up its cred with the golfer/yachter set. There will be plenty for both to love as Christophe Harbour — a 2,500-acre development on the southeastern peninsula spearheaded by the same guys behind South Carolina’s Kiawah Island — matures. It’ll soon have a new 300-slip yacht marina and an 18-hole Tom Fazio Golf Course. But its first stage is the of the Turtle Beach Bungalows on Dec. 15. Think dark wood, 400-square-foot luxury huts, with individual plunge pools that look out on Nevis, giant gazebo’d patios, wrap-around glass doors, marble slab baths, outdoor copper showers, all enjoyed privately as you’re completely surrounded by palm trees and bougainvillea. Then think: There’s only four of them. Nice.
INFO from $400 ($550 in high-season); christopheharbour.com
7) ROSALIE BAY Dominica
From the fish-flocked reefs to that over-200-degree boiling lake you’re better off not playing Marco Polo in, any resort built on Dominica can simply harness its proximity to outrageously unique surroundings for marketing purposes. But Rosalie Bay, just opened in August on 22 acres of the island’s east coast, returns the favor. The eco-friendly-with-benefits resort — basically a village of cottages surrounding a central onyx pool — uses a Norwin 225 wind turbine to power 70 percent of its electricity, the other 30 percent comes courtesy of its rooftop solar panels. Not green enough for you? The hotel employs nighttime security staff to protect the sea turtles wandering around the black beach out back.
INFO from $250; rosaliebay.com
8) ROYAL PAVILION Barbados
Flagged as a Fairmont for about 11 years now, this historic hideout was the first to be built on Barbados’ West Coast back in the 1940’s. These days, it has healthy competition, to put it mildly; around here, you can never look too good. That’s why the hotel closed at summer’s end for a pre-season reboot. The thing to book when the hotel re-opens next month: One of two-dozen Beachfront Junior Suites. They sprawl 900 square feet, offer private terraces, are serviced by butlers and come with original commissioned artwork, free WiFi, 42-inch flat screens (with satellite) and a DVD/CD player.
INFO Junior Suites start at $700, Ocean View Deluxe from $480; fairmont.com