“It’s A Most Mis’rable Time for the Jets”
(“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
It’s a most mis’rable time for the Jets
The young QB’s regressing
The fans second-guessing
And filled with night-sweats!
It’s a most mis’rable time
for the Jets . . .
It’s the Schott-Schottiest
feeling once more
The offensive assistant
Sees points non-existent
And fumbles galore
It’s the Schott-Schottiest
feeling . . . once more!
There are coaches for tripping
Fourth quarters for slipping
And gagging that seems apropos
There are few tales of glory
And nightmares so gory
Of choke-jobs not so long ago . . .
It’s the most mis’rable
time for the green
Though the coach
is still chatty
This ain’t Cincinnati
Where losers
can preen
It’s a most mis’rable
time . . . for . . .
the . . . green . . .
“Taken to Town by Clifton Lee”
(“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”)
Taken to town by Clifton Lee
Left the GM feeling glum
Offered the Bronx, Manhattan too
And the guy still wouldn’t come
Taken to town by Clifton Lee
That’s four aces up their sleeves
Philly might win a hundred-ten
Even if no one relieves
You might get a nauseating
feeling if you cheer
For the Mets or for the Yankees
Stop! The presses,
buy your hankies
Taken to town by Clifton Lee
Out of Benton, Arkansas
His wife felt rain that wasn’t rain now she’s . . .
Got . . . the . . . last . . . guffaw!
“God Rest Ye Sandy Alderson”
(“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)
God rest ye, Sandy Alderson
(That’s if you sleep at all
The mess you have inherited
Can frighten and appall)
The Mets are so irrelevant
It’s like they’re in Nepal
Oh . . .
The coffers are empty, ink is red
(Blame it on Fred)
What the fans are feeling’s better left unsaid
“Stoudemire”
(“Silver Bells”)
Felton dishing, Chandler swishing
Ronny Turiaf’s beard
Now the city can’t wait for
a jump ball
Gallo driving, Landry thriving
Even Timofey’s cheered
And there’s one man to thank for it all
Stoudemire, Stoudemire
It’s a new day at the Garden
One, two three . . . “M-V-P!”
Soon it will be playoff time
“Nasty Birds are Coming to Town”
(“Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)
You better not stunt,
you better not blitz
It’s like a cold front taking
over St. Kitts
Michael Vick is coming to town . . .
He’ll mess with your mind,
then mess up the clock
And seem disinclined to be
safe with the rock
Andy Reid is coming to town . . .
The Jints can beat the Vikings
Bears and ’Skins get beaten stiff
But the Iggles always treat Big Blue
Like Bednarik tackling Giff
Oh . . .
I think you’ll agree,
we’ve been Philly fleeced
They just stole Cliff Lee
now the NFC East?
Nasty Birds are coming . . .
to . . . town
VAC’S WHACKS
* The re-broadcast of the Bill Mazeroski Game by MLB Network the other night was every bit as terrific as you would have hoped it would be. Here’s hoping a few more sports-obsessed stars out of yesterday were as diligent as Bing Crosby was, and maybe some other basements can yield gems like this.
* I think I speak for more than a few observers of the Jets out there when I say it might be time for coach Brian Schottenheimer to stop telling us how good he is at his job and start, you know, being good at his job.
* It’s awfully nice of a few certain media types who have avoided the Garden as if it were lined with kryptonite the last few years to alert Knicks fans who have kept coming all along that the team’s officially for real.
* I talked to Bob Feller a few years ago for a book I was writing about sports in the year 1941. Feller was 23 in ’41, would lose four years to the war, and the rest of his life people would talk about how wonderful and terrible that sacrifice was. This was Feller’s reply: “If I was sacrificing something, that was fine, because a lot of other fellows were, too. We had a war to win. In the end, that was more important than any damned ball game.”
WHACK BACK AT VAC
John Salva: LeBron James should be Mr. Irrelevant at MSG. I’m reminded of the quote from “Casablanca” where Ugarte asks Rick if he despised him and Rick says, “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” It has and will work out for the best.
Vac: I’ve got a feeling Rick Blaine would’ve really liked these Knicks.
Kevin Mallon: I enjoy hearing about Yanks hot stove and reading the tea leaves, but it’s refreshing when its not the lead story on a Thursday in December. I think NY is finding a nice balance again where baseball doesn’t dominate the entire calendar.
Vac: I’ve said this before: There was a time not so long ago when baseball season in New York didn’t really start until the day after the Knicks were eliminated from the playoffs, usually in late May or early June. I love baseball completely, but those were good days.
Dennis D’Addario: Wish I was a clever enough wordsmith to describe what Rose Hill was like last weekend when the Fordham kids flipped the switch on the time machine and brought the old gym back to the halcyon days 1970-71. It was surreal. And yeah, the coach is pretty good too! It’s great to be relevant again, even if it’s only December.
Vac: The Johnnies can breathe easy now; the Atlantic 10 is done picking on them.
Chris Freeman: Wouldn’t you like to hear the Knick PA announcer, after a particularly ferocious dunk or big fourth quarter basket, belt out, “That’s Amar’e!” in lieu of his full name? It works on multiple levels; the key is to use it sparingly.
Vac: What do you think, Knicks fans?