Sports

Vac’s Xmas carols for NY sports fans

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“It’s A Most Mis’rable Time for the Jets”

(“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)

It’s a most mis’rable time for the Jets

The young QB’s regressing

The fans second-guessing

And filled with night-sweats!

It’s a most mis’rable time

for the Jets . . .

It’s the Schott-Schottiest

feeling once more

The offensive assistant

Sees points non-existent

And fumbles galore

It’s the Schott-Schottiest

feeling . . . once more!

There are coaches for tripping

Fourth quarters for slipping

And gagging that seems apropos

There are few tales of glory

And nightmares so gory

Of choke-jobs not so long ago . . .

It’s the most mis’rable

time for the green

Though the coach

is still chatty

This ain’t Cincinnati

Where losers

can preen

It’s a most mis’rable

time . . . for . . .

the . . . green . . .

“Taken to Town by Clifton Lee”

(“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”)

Taken to town by Clifton Lee

Left the GM feeling glum

Offered the Bronx, Manhattan too

And the guy still wouldn’t come

Taken to town by Clifton Lee

That’s four aces up their sleeves

Philly might win a hundred-ten

Even if no one relieves

You might get a nauseating

feeling if you cheer

For the Mets or for the Yankees

Stop! The presses,

buy your hankies

Taken to town by Clifton Lee

Out of Benton, Arkansas

His wife felt rain that wasn’t rain now she’s . . .

Got . . . the . . . last . . . guffaw!

“God Rest Ye Sandy Alderson”

(“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)

God rest ye, Sandy Alderson

(That’s if you sleep at all

The mess you have inherited

Can frighten and appall)

The Mets are so irrelevant

It’s like they’re in Nepal

Oh . . .

The coffers are empty, ink is red

(Blame it on Fred)

What the fans are feeling’s better left unsaid

“Stoudemire”

(“Silver Bells”)

Felton dishing, Chandler swishing

Ronny Turiaf’s beard

Now the city can’t wait for

a jump ball

Gallo driving, Landry thriving

Even Timofey’s cheered

And there’s one man to thank for it all

Stoudemire, Stoudemire

It’s a new day at the Garden

One, two three . . . “M-V-P!”

Soon it will be playoff time

“Nasty Birds are Coming to Town”

(“Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)

You better not stunt,

you better not blitz

It’s like a cold front taking

over St. Kitts

Michael Vick is coming to town . . .

He’ll mess with your mind,

then mess up the clock

And seem disinclined to be

safe with the rock

Andy Reid is coming to town . . .

The Jints can beat the Vikings

Bears and ’Skins get beaten stiff

But the Iggles always treat Big Blue

Like Bednarik tackling Giff

Oh . . .

I think you’ll agree,

we’ve been Philly fleeced

They just stole Cliff Lee

now the NFC East?

Nasty Birds are coming . . .

to . . . town

VAC’S WHACKS

* The re-broadcast of the Bill Mazeroski Game by MLB Network the other night was every bit as terrific as you would have hoped it would be. Here’s hoping a few more sports-obsessed stars out of yesterday were as diligent as Bing Crosby was, and maybe some other basements can yield gems like this.

* I think I speak for more than a few observers of the Jets out there when I say it might be time for coach Brian Schottenheimer to stop telling us how good he is at his job and start, you know, being good at his job.

* It’s awfully nice of a few certain media types who have avoided the Garden as if it were lined with kryptonite the last few years to alert Knicks fans who have kept coming all along that the team’s officially for real.

* I talked to Bob Feller a few years ago for a book I was writing about sports in the year 1941. Feller was 23 in ’41, would lose four years to the war, and the rest of his life people would talk about how wonderful and terrible that sacrifice was. This was Feller’s reply: “If I was sacrificing something, that was fine, because a lot of other fellows were, too. We had a war to win. In the end, that was more important than any damned ball game.”

WHACK BACK AT VAC

John Salva: LeBron James should be Mr. Irrelevant at MSG. I’m reminded of the quote from “Casablanca” where Ugarte asks Rick if he despised him and Rick says, “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” It has and will work out for the best.

Vac: I’ve got a feeling Rick Blaine would’ve really liked these Knicks.

Kevin Mallon: I enjoy hearing about Yanks hot stove and reading the tea leaves, but it’s refreshing when its not the lead story on a Thursday in December. I think NY is finding a nice balance again where baseball doesn’t dominate the entire calendar.

Vac: I’ve said this before: There was a time not so long ago when baseball season in New York didn’t really start until the day after the Knicks were eliminated from the playoffs, usually in late May or early June. I love baseball completely, but those were good days.

Dennis D’Addario: Wish I was a clever enough wordsmith to describe what Rose Hill was like last weekend when the Fordham kids flipped the switch on the time machine and brought the old gym back to the halcyon days 1970-71. It was surreal. And yeah, the coach is pretty good too! It’s great to be relevant again, even if it’s only December.

Vac: The Johnnies can breathe easy now; the Atlantic 10 is done picking on them.

Chris Freeman: Wouldn’t you like to hear the Knick PA announcer, after a particularly ferocious dunk or big fourth quarter basket, belt out, “That’s Amar’e!” in lieu of his full name? It works on multiple levels; the key is to use it sparingly.

Vac: What do you think, Knicks fans?