My boyfriend, who I’ve been with for 37 years, reads your column every week. He dared me to ask you about the two following things. (Don’t ever dare me!)
First, he says it’s not necessary for him to say “I love you” because, he says, when we have oral sex he’s showing me that he loves me. Am I from a different planet? Men don’t say they love you anymore? I have never heard of such a thing. Please advise.
— Anonymous
You sound like me. I am always up for a good dare! Now, as much as I would LOVE to side with such a loyal reader, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with his actions — all of them! He should know better from the advice I give week after week, every Sunday!
You can never say “I love you” enough. You guys have been together for 37 years — that’s a pretty long time! — but that’s why it’s that much more important to say it as often as you feel it.
There is nothing sweeter than saying “I love you so much and I appreciate you so much.” It just makes your partner stop and say, “Wow. I am so lucky to have you.” And while it’s great to feel that sense of appreciation after an amazing orgasm, expressing it verbally — during nonsexually related scenarios — is more important. It’s those moments that make the sexually related ones that much more intense.
Us gals are emotional creatures like that. We need you to tell us you love us — not just by showing us with your tongue below our waists, but by saying it and then backing it up through actions. That’s just how it goes. So get your tongue practicing some new exercises! Speak it: I-LOVE-YOU.
Secondly, because of his age (he’s 62), he says that we can ONLY have oral sex. (He took Viagra for a couple of months, but says it got too expensive.) It’s been a little over a year since we stopped having intercourse and, at 54, I need — and want — more than just oral sex! I feel cheated.
Recently, he bought a DVD called “101 Advanced Sexual Positions for Lovers.” I’ve suggested that we try one of the things in the DVD, but he just laughs. I’ve also suggested toys, but he just looks at me like I have a second head. I love this man with my whole heart and soul. I would like to hear those three words more often, and I’d also like to have intercourse periodically. Help!
I don’t blame you for feeling cheated. You deserve to have your needs fulfilled. If his issue is that he can’t perform without Viagra, which yes, can be quite expensive, there’s no reason that your sex life has to suffer. Budget your priorities. I think it costs something like $15 for a single little blue pill. Why not cut a movie channel on your cable bill, or have cereal for dinner one night? It’s so important to maintain an active sex life that’s beneficial and enjoyable to both of you. After all, I doubt he wants to risk you going out and getting it elsewhere! It wouldn’t be right, but I wouldn’t blame you. You have needs, too, and it’s up to your partner to fulfill them.
His buying that DVD is like dangling a bag of heroin in front of a recovering heroin addict! It’s only going to make you want to have sex with him more! And the fact that he laughs is just childish. Will he be laughing when you go out and find that guy who’s totally up for trying one of those positions with you?
I’m sorry, Avid Reader. You need to get your head out of your booty and pull yourself together. You’re not even willing to get a toy and pleasure her that way? You’re asking for trouble! Take my advice, and please the woman who loves you with her “whole heart and soul.” I dare you.
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