Adam Brodsky

Adam Brodsky

Opinion

What won’t be happening in 2014

With the New Year upon us, predictions of what will happen in 2014 are coming in strong. Here’s my annual list of things you can be sure you won’t see next year:

– Hillary Clinton will kick off her 2016 presidential campaign with the slogan, “Really, now: What difference, at this point, does it make?”

– No newspaper, magazine, Web site or TV station — anywhere — will mention a single word about Kim Kardashian.

– After leaving City Hall for good, Mike Bloomberg will vanish completely from the political stage.

– He’ll then start an international conglomerate that specializes in the manufacture of guns, cigarettes and large sugary beverages.

– US professors will launch a boycott against Palestinians for waging terror attacks against Israelis.

– New York will acquire a branch of the Republican Party.

–  ObamaCare will extend health insurance to more Americans.

– ObamaCare will make it easier for Americans to see the doctors they like.

–  ObamaCare will bend the nation’s health-cost curve downward.

– ObamaCare will improve medical care for Americans.

– If you like your current health plan, well, you know . . .

– Someone will fill the shoes of Yankee closer Mariano Rivera.

– Gov. Cuomo will put the state’s future above his own and end the 5-year-old “temporary” ban on fracking in New York.

– With US troops gone, Afghanistan will become a shining model of liberal democracy, an economic powerhouse and a formidable ally in the War on Terror.

– Assembly Speaker Shelly Silver will be given the nation’s highest award for Most Ethical Political Leader.

– Republicans in Congress will shut down government — just for fun.

– Despite operating under the yoke of crippling union contracts, New York’s traditional public schools will outperform union-free charter schools.

– Secretary of State John Kerry will convince Iran to truly abandon its nuclear-weapons program and surrender its stock of enriched uranium.

– Following his success in Iran, Kerry will persuade Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to step down. Key to his success will be his threats of US military reprisals.

– US Attorney Preet Bharara will be unable to find a single New York politician to indict.

– A&E will sever ties with all progressives. MSNBC will follow suit.

– New Yorkers will draft Ted Cruz to run against Andrew Cuomo as governor. Both will lose to . . . Donald Trump.

– Barack Obama will draw a red line — and stick to it.

– Serial sex-harasser and ex-Assemblyman Vito Lopez will be hired to run the Girl Scouts of America.

– Miley Cyrus will be caught in a flagrant act of modesty.

– Newly installed Mayor de Blasio will cut taxes on the rich, blast the unions as selfish and tell them there’s no money for back raises — because there isn’t.

– The IRS will target liberal groups for special tax treatment.

– Alec Baldwin will win the Emily Post Etiquette Award.

– The Tax Foundation’s State Business Tax Climate will rank New York as the best state in the nation in which to do business.

– The Tax Foundation’s State Business Tax Climate will rank New York in the top 40 states to do business.

– Ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman will end his friendship with North Korean ruler Kim Jong Un, stating that he no longer wishes to be best buds with a nuclear-armed lunatic who executes people close to him.

– Eliot Spitzer will apologize for his crudeness, dishonesty and selfishness, vow to stay out the public eye — and really mean it.

– Anthony Weiner will apologize for his crudeness, dishonesty and selfishness, vow to stay out of the public eye — and really mean it.

– President Obama will go mano-a-mano with Russia’s Vladimir Putin in a diplomatic showdown — and win.

– De Blasio will end the NYPD’s stop-and-frisk program, and the record-low number of murders in New York will plunge even further.

– A clandestine US operation will result in the capture and arrest of Edward Snowden for betraying his country and leaking sensitive counterterrorism information.

– More kids than not will graduate New York’s public schools ready for college or a career.

– Sen. Chuck Schumer will cancel one of his regular Sunday press conferences.

– The office of New York City public advocate will play an important role in . . . something.

– Pundits will finally stop making predictions.

Happy new year!