I’m taking a medication that makes my sex drive really low. Once I start having sex I’m fine, but getting warmed up takes forever. Any suggestions on foreplay?
— Patricia, 26, East Village
I don’t know what you’re taking, but there are so many medications that have an effect on the sex drive, so I do have an understanding of how frustrating and difficult this must be for you, and I sympathize. Have you talked to your doctor about possibly switching to another medication? Or what about taking a supplement to possibly offset that side effect? I’d start there.
Then, if it can’t be helped, try to start foreplay early — in the daytime even, when you’re both at work — by participating in nontraditional forms such as kinky texting. Write him sexy messages that let him know how excited you are for later. This should get you worked up a bit — especially if he plays along.
You should also start touching yourself before you hang out, so you’re extra excited to see your guy. Then, once you’re together, begin with massages and a lot of touching — more so on his part. Tell him that you like it when he breathes in your ear or kisses your neck and inner thighs. They’re all trigger spots that tend to heighten a woman’s sexual appetite.
These basics should do the trick, but you can always bring some vibrating toys or movies into the bedroom, as well. Whatever gets your bean tingling — do it!
A friend of mine is dating a girl who I think is a gold digger. He comes from a wealthy family, and I think that’s all she cares about. She’s tricking him by helping to pay the bills now, but as soon as he puts a ring on that finger, I think she’ll quit her job. How can I get him to see this?
— Michele, 30, Murray Hill
You know what stuck out to me in your question? Your use of the phrase “I think.” Sounds to me like you don’t know for sure what goes on behind closed doors. And you probably don’t really know the depth of their relationship either. Nobody really does except for the couple in it.
You haven’t provided me with enough information about her actions to really know whether she’s fooling him. From what you’ve said, she has a job and is contributing to the bills— so what’s the problem? There are girls out there who don’t contribute at all!
I don’t know how close you are with your friend or if you’ve ever given his girlfriend a fair chance, but if you have, and you truly believe that her intentions are dishonest, then sure, sit him down and tell him what you think. (In the nicest way possible, of course.) Still, you better have some quality proof. Otherwise, challenging his relationship might not only change his opinion of you, but make you seem jealous, too. Ultimately, it’s his life, and if he’s in love with her and she’s great to him, then the best thing you can do is trust his judgment of character.
Some guys want a trophy wife and know they’re marrying into that. Maybe she’ll continue working, or maybe she’ll get pregnant and decide to stay home with the baby — he may want that anyway! You just have to trust that your friend will make the right choice before popping the question.
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