I’ve been married for almost 10 years and love my wife dearly; however, I like being dominated, and she won’t give it a shot. This has forced me to go to dungeons to fulfill my sexual appetite. Is this wrong? There’s never intercourse involved, so I don’t look at it as cheating.
The problem is, as much as I enjoy being at the foot of a mistress wearing 6-inch stilettos, I feel guilty when I leave, and even more so when I walk in my front door and face my wife. But she won’t even go as far as to dress the part.
I know she also loves me and
always enjoys the sex we have, but whenever we have it, I find myself thinking about whichever mistress was smacking me around earlier. Is this wrong on my end or hers?
— Nick
It’s wrong on both ends. Whenever you have to keep anything from your partner, chances are you’re doing something wrong. I totally get where you’re coming from, though. If you can’t properly please your husband or wife, it’s only a matter of time before they either leave you, or go elsewhere for fulfillment.
I praise you for having the courage to tell her your desires. I’m curious when you came out and told her this. Was it after or before you were married? If it was after, did you go and explore before seeing if she’d try it?
If you’ve always been into domination and sprung it on her after you were married, then you’re at fault here. There should be absolutely no skeletons in the closet upon taking those vows. But if you disclosed your desires before you were married and she sort of shrugged it off, then she’s in the wrong. It’s not like you want to go out and screw other women. You want her, you crave her and you told her this. All you want is for her to whip you around a little bit!
When you really love someone, I believe you love all of them — including their fantasies. I can’t help but question her love for you if she’s not willing to put on a pair of stilettos and dominate you. You deserve to feel special and to know that just because you like to be dominated, you’re not a bad person or dirty. Likewise, she deserves to be with a man who can feel fulfilled and special with her — and only her.
If you love each other as much as you say, it’s time to stop living a lie, start communicating and making sacrifices for each other.
I’ve been seeing a girl for a little while, and I really like her. But we had sex for the first time recently and it was bad. Our rhythm was off. She also told me she’s never had an orgasm from sex. That’s pretty important to me. Is this a lost cause?— Aaron, 28, Williamsburg
The first time you have sex with someone is usually awkward. I feel like so many people go into it hoping to orgasm at the same time in order to “connect,” but that rarely happens, so I wouldn’t look at this like a lost cause.
Girls require a lot of effort when it comes to reaching the Big O. I’m not surprised that she’s never had one before; most girls haven’t, or can’t have one from sex alone. At this point, since it sounds like it’s still early on, I’d pretend that the first time never happened, and would just continue to have a lot of sex. After all, practice makes perfect!
Maybe she was nervous; maybe you weren’t doing the right things. At the beginning, both parties are usually quiet because they’re not yet comfortable being honest about what works — and what doesn’t. So as weird as it might be to talk while you’re having sex, you’ve got to! It’s all about learning each other’s bodies and what gets each of you going.
Remember: Our greatest athletes haven’t won gold without persistence and intense training, so persist and train away!
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