Disney’s “Prom” presents a squeaky- clean picture of high school that possibly only an 8-year-old could identify with. Although some parents will doubtless take comfort in its fantasy of an academic institution where sex, drugs and gay teenagers don’t exist.
It’s almost surreal that this ultra-predictable, star-free variation on the “American Graffiti” formula would be offered up to the moviegoing public a quarter century after the films of John Hughes introduced a semblance of realism into the genre.
“Prom” is so strenuously inoffensive it makes Disney’s “High School Musical” look almost racy by comparison.
Yes, there’s a long-haired, rebellious Bad Boy (Thomas McDonell) with a motorcycle, but Marlon Brando he’s not. The worst thing we see him do is sneak into another high school at night with The Good Girl (Aimee Teegarden of TV’s “Friday Night Lights”) . . . to check out their prom decorations. Talk about transgressive!
The Bad Boy has been assigned to reluctantly help The Good Girl (a k a the class president) after the prom decorations are destroyed in an accidental fire. The Good Girl’s father doesn’t want her hanging out with The Bad Boy, but, of course, he’s just misunderstood.
Another mini-drama concerns The Jock (DeVaughn Nixon), who is dumped by his Long-Suffering Girlfriend (Kylie Bunbury) when she realizes he’s a player.
So The Jock hooks up — in an entirely chaste way, of course — with Another Sweet Girl (Danielle Campbell), who The Nerd (Nolan Sotillo) has been ardently hoping will accompany him to the celebration.
And then there’s The Girl Who Got Into Parsons (Yin Chang) but is afraid to tell The Boyfriend Who Wants To Get Engaged (Jared Kusnitz).
The only one of those stereotypes I much care for was The Shy Romantic Who Keeps Getting Turned Down by Prospective Dates. Nicholas Braun, who plays him, would remind me a lot of a young John Cusack even if the character weren’t named after one of Cusack’s long-ago characters (Lloyd from “Say Anything”). As you may have guessed, there isn’t anything terribly original in the allegedly autobiographical script credited to newcomer Katie Wech, who seems to have collaborated with a screenwriting computer program.
The whole thing is directed with painless efficiency by Joe Nussbaum, whose rap sheet includes the direct-to-video “American Pie Presents the Naked Mile.”
You can imagine the jokes he was trading with director of cinematography Byron Shah, who shot “An American Crime” — the one where Catherine Keener used Ellen Page as a human ashtray.
OK, so obviously I may not be the ideal audience. My high school in Astoria, Queens, didn’t even have a prom. You want “Prom,” you’ve got it.