If Ed Wood had directed “The Silence of the Lambs,” it might have been as unin tentionally hilarious as the goofball would-be thriller “The Abduction of Zack Butterfield.”
Acted, written and photographed like a porno movie that never shows any sex, the film is about a sort of Psycho Barbie (Brett Helsham), a burned-out ex-military killin’ machine who kidnaps a 14-year-old boy (T.J. Plunkett) to turn him into her ideal man. As acted, her bimbo-ish character is about as plausible a soldier as the chick from “Legally Blonde.”
She places an explosive dog collar on her captive, warns him that he’ll get his head blown off if he wanders off her rural property, then sets about teaching him to cook, plays “Fur Elise” for him on the electric keyboard, does his laundry and moans about her lonely childhood, during which she never even got to go to the prom. Thus her need to possess a cute teen boy. Since both kidnapper and captive seem fairly happy (they even dance together in evening wear, and it’s easy to picture the boy telling a pal, “Bro, I was the sex slave of this total hottie!), the main source of suspense is how giggle-worthy her psychosis will get.