News Flash: “Princess” is one fantasy job that never lives up to its billing — no matter how hard mothers shove it down little girls’ throats.
Think about the most famous princesses of our time — Margaret of Great Britain, Stephanie of Monaco, Princess Leia of the planet Aquilae — who each had to add “drunk” to their titles. And, of course, there was the pinnacle of poor princesses, dead Diana, whose life behind castle walls was worse than being shut up in the tower.
Still, no royal wife in modern times has been as much of a mess as Sarah Ferguson.
Even though we thought Fergie might disappear after getting caught last summer trying to sell access to Prince Andrew for $750,000, she’s decided instead to take the high road to redemption: reality TV.
On Sunday night, the banged-up, broken-down, 51-year-old royal debuts “Finding Sarah,” a six-episode series on OWN. It is both a tremendous triumph and a huge failure all at once. Huh?
On the triumphant side, Sarah strips her psyche raw and lets us inside the mind, the heart and the life of the broke and broken princess who must find herself or die, she says right off.
Sarah is, in fact, one hot, royal mess — but one with heart.
Like Diana, her best bud from the age of 14, she was not prepared to be the wife of a royal. She and Prince Andrew fell madly in love at a Diana-hosted dinner party and wed three dinner dates later.
Two weeks later, he left for the Navy and was only available for 40 days a year over the next five years. Abandonment terrified her, she tells us, because when she was a kid, her mother ran away with a polo player — to Argentina.
Her father wasn’t much better. He’d beat her and called her a “sheep’s ass.” Now, that’s strict!
She then relates the terrible story about how, one night on the phone, she begged her mother to tell her she loved her. The mother finally relented and then went shopping. On the way to the market, Mom was decapitated in a car accident.
OK, Fergie has legitimate issues. And now, she’s dead broke, as well.
So, she brings in “the world’s greatest experts” to save her. And who are these experts? Why, Oprah’s all-stars, Dr. Phil and Suze Orman, of course!
Let the failure portion of the show begin!
Seriously, how much of the same platitude-spouting “experts” can we take?
Presumably, the drill will be that Fergie’s lifetime of abuse, misery and scandal will be fixed by the all-stars in six short weeks.
And that will be as big a fantasy as the one about becoming a princess.