Having just returned from my role as designated heckler at the Anthony Weiner Members Only Mea Culpa Resignation Rotunda, I felt inspired to whip up some final NBA Finals impertinence and pertinence — with the help of my regular contributors.
If I were LeBron James, I would have summarily ended the non-stop negativity surrounding several limp fourth-quarter performances by simply checking into rehab.
You know something’s askew when your coach feels it’s required to constantly call plays — using affected hand-signals, no less — for a team flaunting Dwyane Wade and James.
“Chris Paul was very lucky to have Byron Scott as a rookie,” said a former Hornets employee. “His first game he looked over to the bench for instructions and Byron let him know right away to cut it out. ‘You’re the leader, so run the team. If I want a certain play called I’ll let you know.’ ”
Would Heat coach Erik Spoelstra yield the field to the players — or the marching band — if Miami had a Paul-type supervisor?
Or is the pressing need for a coach who knows when it’s time to stop prolonging his team’s agony? The outcome of Game 6 was decided, security had lined end court, Pat Riley had left his seat and disappeared through the tunnel, and Spoelstra called a timeout. Or . . .
“I think Miami would benefit from a system like the Triangle, but not necessarily that one,” a former NBA head coach offers. “A system of movement eliminates the issue of whose turn it is to run the show, whose time it is to go one-on-one, or who should call for the pick and roll next. It could be any of a number of systems or just a catalog of the basic NBA plays that the new generation of coaches relies on because they don’t have the coaching background to be innovative.
“Furthermore, a system of offense that is identifiable is superior for a team like the Heat because it gives some opportunity for the lesser players to kick in some points that make a big difference,” he added. “You can always go to some pet plays with your key guys if the system stagnates.
“Philosophically, I have always been a ball-and-player movement guy, who believes the best scorers will still score the most points even in a system. Then again, I always had my plays to get the key guy or two the first option at critical times. But I always wanted option B and C to follow as opposed to forcing a bad shot by my A man or men.”
What’s amazing about the Mavericks’ success is their clever, cohesive defense wasn’t designed by Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau.
That probably explains why at least one line-maker declared Dallas a long shot to repeat before it could savor its championship scent and tie its sash.
Hijacking the current (Lakers) and future (Thunder) golden children, as well as the presumptive champs (Heat) evidently was a fluke.
As proxy for the Wilpons’ retirement account, I plan to take some of that action.
So, DeShawn Stevenson wasted no time in getting wasted. According to a Dallas police report, the Mavericks’ wallpapered bodyguard was arrested for public intoxication. Police said he was alone and didn’t know where he was.
Been there, done that — usually at a Nets’ game.
Way to go, Nate Robinson. Last Friday morning, right there on a downtown White Plains sidewalk, the former Knicks’ freak show, who witnessed a whopping dozen minutes of daylight in the Thunder’s 17 postseason games, redefined the phrase “D-N-Pee.” Just call him UriNate. A trade to the Washington Whiz-ards sounds natural. Or the Detroit Piss-tons? Of course, if he becomes a Net we’ll have to change his name to YURINATE.
“I guess this proves Robinson is a true #1 guard,” adds Richie Kalikow. “Robinson’s defense is he saw a sign that said ‘Wet Sidewalk’ so he did.”
Good for LeBron: It was smart of him to state he’s not superior to anyone. If you would like that in writing, please send a donation for his next birthday shindig.
A former player finds it unreal for Magic Johnson to go an entire Finals as an ABC analyst without offering the slightest insight whatsoever. “I assume he remembers something about the game.”
You know the NBA is in trouble when Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s maid has fewer labor issues.
James was so out of touch in Finals fourth quarters (18 points), Dan Gilbert thought he had purchased the Heat.
Boston fans demonstrated their quick wit during Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals after Vancouver goalie Roberto Luongo was pulled early in the first period after allowing three quick goals. “LuBrongo, LuBrongo, LuBrongo . . .” the crowd chanted.
Sunday is Father’s Day. Frank Drucker congratulates Spawn Kemp and Calvin Murphy for qualifying to get their cards sent bulk rate.
We all have our problems. My Twitter pictures have been rejected by all. Oh, da shame of it all.