DALLAS — Rex Ryan stepped off the charter that landed here yesterday afternoon and wasted no time quenching the thirst of a parched national media.
“Obama, the bleepin’ Jets are comin!” Ryan bellowed.
Because of additional security measures in the wake of Spygate II, Ryan and Jets players were forced to endure a 45-minute wait at baggage claim, where Antonio Cromartie told a reporter for TMZ: “Even at the Super Bowl you got a—hole baggage handlers.” When the reporter asked when the mothers of his children would be arriving, Cromartie snapped: “You’re an a—hole too.”
That was enough for Joe Namath, back in Florida on Twitter and broadwayjoe.tv, to send out the word: “The Jets will beat the Packers, I guarantee ya.”
What galled Packer Nation was when Fireman Ed hopped atop Ryan’s shoulders, both of them now wearing cheesehead firehats, to lead a raucous J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS! chant in the midst of several hundred horrified onlookers.
When the Jets bus pulled up at the team hotel, the sight of Woody Johnson and Ryan dressed as bellhops had everyone doubled over in laughter. Until, that is, Buddy took a swing at a valet who bore a striking resemblance to Giants offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride and had to be restrained by hotel security. The infuriated hotel manager came out and warned a startled Johnson: “You take a swipe at one of ours, we’ll take a swipe at two of yours.”
The owner, clutching his green tie proudly, responded: “We don’t care if you hate us. Just don’t ignore us.”
As Rex, clad in his black sleeveless sweater, began strolling into the lobby, he was greeted by a quartet of petite middle-aged barefoot women holding up identical signs that read: I HAVE PRETTY FEET TOO. “Not like my wi … “ Rex began, before Jets PR man Bruce Speight quickly shot his left hand up to cover the coach’s mouth.
A much larger group of teeny boppers, behind a green and white barricade, shrieked uncontrollably when a smiling Mark Sanchez, his black beard filling in nicely, stepped off the bus, and held up signs that read: MARK WILL YOU MARRY ME? After getting his room key and checking in, Sanchez was seen exiting the hotel, his offensive linemen in tow, and hopping into a limousine driven by Braylon Edwards to the Blue Goose, a Mexican restaurant recommended by Ines Sainz. At the end of a gluttonous meal fueled by mojitos and margaritas, Sanchez picked up the gargantuan tab . . . and signed it to Mark Brunell’s hotel room.
At his first formal press conference with the national media, Ryan was asked about the matchup with the Packers.
“They beat us 9-0,” Ryan barked. “It’s personal.”
He was asked by a reporter from the Green Bay Press-Gazette about facing a franchise with such a storied history.
“How many Super Bowls have the Packers won since Super Bowl II?” Ryan asked. “One,” the reporter responded.
“Well, the Jets have won one since Super Bowl II, too,” Ryan said.
Then, turning to the New York media, Ryan said defiantly: “Same Old Jets, back in the Super Bowl.”
In a brilliant motivational move that set the tone for the entire week, Ryan had Mike Tyson address the Jets with a compelling the-bigger-they-are-the-harder-they-fall speech that ensured not a single one of them would defy Ryan’s daily 4 a.m. curfew.
That night, Ryan and Mike Westhoff headed over to the Blue Goose and when the check came, one of them mischievously signed it to an imaginary hotel room guest named Sal Alosi.
On Media Day, and on the big podium, Ryan was asked by another reporter from the Green Bay Press-Gazette why he didn’t take his team to see “Lombardi” on Broadway.
“I didn’t want them realizing what a dumb-(bleep) coach I am,” Ryan said, and everyone laughed.
Then Ryan’s competitive juices began flowing, and he said: “I’m here to make sure there’s no ‘McCarthy’ on Broadway next year. This game is Rex Ryan versus Mike McCarthy.”
In what was intended as a compliment to Lombardi but wound up on the Packers bulletin board, Ryan said: “I know one thing: McCarthy won’t have his team prepared like Lombardi would have.”
Asked about the oddsmakers establishing the Packers as five-point favorites, Ryan said: “I believe we should be favored over the Lombardi Packers.”
Ryan reiterated that Darrelle Revis should have won Defensive Player of Year honors in 2009 over Charles Woodson.
Santonio Holmes, asked by wave after wave about why the Steelers traded him, set a new Super Bowl week record for “next question” answers.
Nick Mangold set a new Super Bowl week record for tweets.
Sanchez told Clay Matthews stories from their USC days and vice versa.
LaDainian Tomlinson, Westhoff, Tony Richardson and Shaun Ellis talked about their first Super Bowl experience, after all these years.
Bart Scott, after two days of calculated rants, developed laryngitis, much to the media’s chagrin.
As for the game itself? C’mon, use your imagination!
steve.serby@nypost.com