‘Have we lost our mind?” the editors of divorcemagazine.com asked last week, of a video headlined “Woman attacks judge in court during divorce proceedings.” The woman lunges over a bench, grabs the judge, then resists arrest; we see a mug shot that plays into our stereotypical vision of someone who probably resides in a trailer park.
Sorry. My sympathy is still with the woman — because no-fault divorce seems designed to make us lose our minds.
OK, I’m inspired by my own experience — that is, I know what goes on: I spent years in these courts after being wrongfully sued for divorce. (In my divorce-reform work, I’ve also spoken with hundreds of other litigants, attorneys and experts in the field.)
If you’ve never been divorced against your will, you probably won’t understand how hard it can be just to keep a grip. Even the toughest can sometimes snap under the pressure.
We don’t know the specifics of the case in the video, but we can hear the woman say, “I haven’t done anything” — then see the judge dismiss her with a wave of the hand for interrupting, and immediately order her to jail. What we also don’t know is what else has gone on — but we can make some pretty good guesses.
People enter these courtrooms expecting the same guarantees of fairness and due process we count on in all courts — an opportunity to be heard, defend your innocence and receive compensation for your loss. Instead, one spouse is silenced, forced to divvy up worldly possessions and “divide” the children.
In states with no-fault divorce (including New York) the marital contract is severed on the unilateral demand of one spouse — often the wrongdoer, with whom matrimonial judges consistently side. Victory in family court frequently coincides, too, with effective use of “preemptive strikes” — legal motions and maneuvers that empower the “prepared” side (i.e., the one who launched the divorce), and especially the one with more cash on hand.
And eyes roll at any mention of misdeeds like adultery. It’s the 21st century, folks!
Because most judges face a huge volume of cases, litigants get herded in and out as quickly as possible. Dissents and other attempts to hold up the process get slapped down: This is a divorce factory, not an effort to produce justice.
“If you could think clearly, you’d know better than to attack someone, especially the judge who is deciding on the dispute you have with your spouse,” Divorce Magazine wrote on Facebook beneath its link to the video. But that’s just it: This process makes it near-impossible for the injured party to think clearly, because it denies there is any injured party.
Ironically, no-fault was sold as an antidote to the hostilities of traditional divorce court, even floated as a measure to help couples reconcile. But it’s done anything but defuse the process — as that video demonstrates.
On the plus side, it’s been a boon to the matrimonial bar. Family courts have flourished. (Less than a year after New York adopted no-fault, divorce filings are up 12 percent.) It’s spawned a cottage industry of divorce coaches and consultants, too. Divorce rings. Bakers specializing in divorce cakes. And, yes, even a magazine.
Until our laws address the intrinsic imbalances in no-fault divorce, and restore fairness and due process, our divorce courts will continue to foster fury that’s merely fodder for the “pros.”
Beverly Willett is vice chair of the Coalition for Divorce Reform.