Ever step off a cruise ship onto one of these country islands, your goal just to take a nice stroll through town, enjoy the sights, do some breezy, love-is-in-the air shopping, like in the travel brochures and TV commercials?
But immediately you’re swarmed by locals relentlessly peddling necklaces, straw hats, T-shirts, cab rides, coconut monkeys. How much to be left alone? Ten minutes in you want to holler please and thank you: “No, thank you!” and “Please, leave me alone!”
That’s what watching TV has become. Everything’s an in-your-face sell — followed by breaks for commercials.
Tuesday we did as CBS and its NCAA tournament partners at Turner TV strongly suggested. We tuned to Turner’s truTV to catch the first two play-in games and the preview show.
Preview show? We walked right into a CBS/Turner home shopping network, a high-def clip joint.
There were Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith engaged in forced, superficial basketball debate and discussion — “They gotta make adjustments,” “They have to shoot the basketball” — designed for easy marks to confuse as spirited inside analysis. Gosh, do those guys know their college hoops!
Next up: Why, what’s this? Oh, it’s a tweet from new CBS hire Jim Rome! Small world!
Back from commercials, host Ernie Johnson directed us to a website where we could discover how CNN news anchors Wolf Blitzer and John King filled in their brackets. Why should we care? Because CNN is a Turner network, that’s why. Hey, Ernie, I tuned in because I wanna watch. I don’t wanna buy a watch.
The naked, noxious, sell-everything stench that has turned ESPN into a paradise lost is being copied here, there, everywhere. There’s no turning back. This is the way it’s going to be. You’re either in or out. All ashore who’s going ashore!
Postscript: The smugness of the “expert” panel was underscored when talk turned to how the absence of Fab Melo will hurt Syracuse. Johnson noted that SU’s first opponent will be 16th-seed UNC-Asheville (a 15-1/2-point dog). CBS’ Greg Anthony wise-cracked, “I like ’em [SU] in that game!” Everyone laughed.
* How can Melo, Syracuse’s Brazilian import, be suspended for what are suspected academic issues? He was recruited by Jim Boeheim to play basketball for Syracuse University, not to be a student!
CBS’ Kevin Harlan yesterday noted that Syracuse, in addition to the Melo suspension, has had “many distractions.” Well, if he meant alleged multiple drug test failure cover-ups and an assistant coach accused of pedophilia, yeah, some distractions.
Yesterday’s Louisville-Davidson on TBS: An open jumper is made, followed by an iffy blocking call against Louisville that’s demonstratively disputed by the player and coach Rick Pitino. So which replay are we shown? The guy hitting the open jumper. Similar bad choices were made the entire telecast.
UNC-Asheville, school colors blue and white, yesterday against Syracuse wore — take a wild guess — its new black uniforms. The Harvard Crimson also wore its black unis vs. Vanderbilt.
Francesa keeps on getting it wrong
Even by his usual pompous, fraudulent standards, Mike Francesa has been on a roll:
1) Wednesday, 30 minutes after knowingly asserting that Mike D’Antoni will remain Knicks coach, D’Antoni resigned. Yet — and you have to admire Francesa for this — he pretended to still be ahead of the story, his inside sources telling him this and that, which, of course, was the same info running on news sites.
2) Last week, he bashed a caller who suggested that Iona could be invited to the NCAA tournament even after losing in its conference tournament. Francesa puffed that such won’t happen. Got it, fool? This week, Iona got in.
3) He ridiculed ESPN bracketeer Joe Lunardi for getting so much wrong. Another Francesa bad guess framed as fact. Lunardi got one — one in 68 — wrong. Regardless, who has gotten more wrong — been the kiss of death to more heavy favorites — than Francesa?
4) He continues to spew King Mike nonsense as insight on Peyton Manning. Among his latest: Manning would never play for the Jets because of New York’s tax structures. Hey, Mikey, the Jets play/work in Jersey. (Also an expert on finance, Francesa has claimed authoritatively that there is no sales tax in Connecticut, which came as a shock to its sales-taxed residents.)
5) Over the last two weeks, he told both a caller and CBS Sports Network’s Wally Szczerbiak that UConn doesn’t belong in the NCAA tournament given NCAA sanctions, a so-so team and an 8-10 conference record. When Szczerbiak said, “I don’t want to see UConn, a team that doesn’t deserve to get in, get in,” Francesa replied, “I agree!”
Tuesday, with UConn coach Jim Calhoun on the phone, Francesa said, “No one even discusses about you being in the tournament. That’s silly.” He also described UConn — to Calhoun — as “a threat” in the tournament.
Those are just a few highlights. Not that there’s many left to fool beyond — but always below — His Royal Fraudship.
Reader James LaPorte: “Ever since Francesa pronounced Kevin Garnett finished, I don’t think Garnett has missed a shot.” Reader Steve Bantz: “I just hope that Francesa never tells me that I look well.”
Blimp shot of Tiger driving car brings back memories
Sunday on NBC, Tiger Woods limped early to the parking lot then drove up the highway, a camera from a blimp followed. It was impossible to not think of that Friday in 1994 when the nation watched overhead coverage of Al Cowlings driving O.J. Simpson wherever he was headed.
No one on NBC, Sunday, dared even hint at that, but also lost was that Woods, Sunday, was paired with a fellow named Simpson — Webb Simpson.
Another thing. For years, Woods was paid tens of millions to encourage us to buy Buicks. Sunday, from an event sponsored by Cadillac, Woods drove off in a Mercedes.
* The NBA fined Derrick Rose the same amount — $25,000 — for knocking the refs as it did J.R. Smith for tweeting a nude photo of one of his female friends. How much for tweeting nude photos of NBA refs?
Had this horrible dream, last night: It was late and foggy; we were lost. So we pulled into a gas station and asked the only person there for directions. He slowly turned around. It was Jimmy Dolan.