Two business partners are seated together at lunch. Suddenly, one says, “Oh my gosh, I just remembered; I left the safe open!”
“Relax,” says his partner, “we’re both here.”
It has become a given among sports consumers: Expect bad faith, mistreatment. Anticipate everything will be tacked to a scam and followed by a stench. You’ll never be let down.
Mix audacity with dishonesty and you’ve got yourself a team business model, a marketing plan, a public relations offense and defense. Hey, why not?
At a time when Bud Selig declares himself the victor in MLB’s war on drugs — when as top cop he kept busy counting the house as anabolic sluggers destroyed records and put The Game in disrepute — and at a time when Roger Goodell claims the double-whack PSLs that drove out thousands of Jets and Giants patrons make “good investments” and additionally claims, “It’s all about the fans” — when it’s all about the money — why not?
Why shouldn’t Fred Wilpon and Co. declare that by reaching a $162.5 million settlement for their ask-no-questions, dirty money-taking scam — Wilpon and Co.’s second Ponzi settlement in the last five years — that they’re winners?
If this is their concept of winning, that helps explain the Mets.
So, apparently, two Ponzi settlements, totaling over $175 million, are something that provides the Mets’ owners a sense of relief, something to feel good about.
By the way, how many Ponzi schemes does one have to be part of — sink hundreds of millions into, no questions asked — before one confesses that his sense of big-time investing at least leans toward the too-good-to-be-true, toward the crooked? Is it three? Four?
How many Ponzis does one fund before he chooses to take a shower — before he’s forced to take a bath?
A or B? A: “I gave Bernie Madoff all my money, but I don’t know how he did it; I never asked.” B: “I gave him all my money and I agreed not to ask, thus I agreed not to know.”
Either way, Wilpon and Saul Katz allowed their business to become none of their business? Forgive those of us who just can’t believe that.
And at a time when the Mets should be grateful for every fan and patron, they’re still operating like a clip joint.
Want to buy tickets on line? Well, a $40 ticket comes attached to a $6 per ticket “convenience fee.” For $60 seats, add $7.50 per in convenience fees. For $85 tickets, add $9.50 per. For $140 tickets, tack on another $16 per.
How much more click “Send” work and inconvenience goes into issuing a $140 ticket than those for $40, $60, $85? Why the discrepancies?
Why such fat tack-ons?
Why? Well, there are two answers: 1) Why not? 2) The way the Mets’ owners conduct business, sorry, but you’re not allowed to ask.
Last call! Bill’s Gay Nineties to close its doors tomorrow
Sometime tomorrow night, at closing time, Bill’s Gay Nineties will close for good, which is a ridiculous expression for close for a bad reason. It may re-open elsewhere, but tomorrow night the Bill’s on 54th and Madison, opened in 1924, will close.
Among New York City’s sports and theater-themed restaurants/bars, Bill’s is/was among the friendliest and perhaps the most wonder-filled. Imagine a grandmother’s creaky, three-story home; wooden stairs, mystery closets, cloak (and dagger!) rooms.
On the walk-down first floor, there’s a bar, tables and a piano. The walls are covered with sports photos, men and horses. Most fascinating, are the enormous framed photos of turn of the last century prizefighters, posed dukes up. The sensibilities of Jack Sheehy, Cornell Class of ’55 basketball center, a former stockbroker and the 32-year companion of Bill’s owner Barbara Bart Olmstead, belong to the first floor.
Weeknights after work, it tended to get tight down there. But if the clientele didn’t like it there, they wouldn’t have packed the place. Space is the issue, never comfort. So you walk side-ways, big deal.
Up the flight of stairs to a large dining room that’s surrounded by ancient Broadway playbills and 100-year-old Wild West Show posters. A 1912 playbill carries a photo of the leading man, Douglas Fairbanks. That’s one of the later pieces. One doesn’t know whether to ask for a menu or the curator.
Up another flight to a party room with a bar, a great place for kids over 21 to play and not disturb the adults downstairs. But tomorrow night it’s over. The building’s owner is not interested in renegotiating the lease. Apparently, he has big, big-ticket tenants ready to go. The bar and all the neat wall stuff are headed for storage. No calling the governor to stay this execution.
For the regulars, semi-regulars and irregulars, Bill’s lately has been like walking into a crime against nature in progress. Two days left. So act now, don’t delay! Operators — with a far different operation in mind — are standing by.
Barkley off his
games
Although Charles Barkley was to be CBS/Turner’s main studio attraction throughout the NCAAs, he hasn’t seemed to pay much attention to the games.
Sunday, with Michigan State leading St. Louis 26-21 at halftime, Barkley said St. Louis “has the game at the pace and the score they really want … they want to keep it very low scoring.”
Given that St. Louis had just shot 23 percent — two-for-11 on 3-pointers — yep, they certainly were doing that. For crying out loud, St. Louis reasonably should have been up five, not down five, yet Barkley said they were right where they wanted to be.
* After 24 years, it appears that “This Week In Baseball,” among the kindest, smartly edited and well-written sports magazine shows, is a goner. Instead of TWIB, FOX’s Games of the Week will be preceded by two half-hour MLB Network-produced shows featuring MLBN personalities. TWIB always made good kids and dads TV. Perhaps that was the problem.
* YES has named Meredith Marakovits as Kim Jones’ replacement before, during and after Yankees telecasts. Marakovits has worked for SNY, WFAN and ESPN 1050 Radio.
* Wednesday, minutes after the Tim Tebow-to-Jets story hit, the Jets’ and NFL Shop websites were selling Tebow Jets’ jerseys. Perhaps Antonio Cromartie will order nine, all in kids’ sizes.