Ask frat boy Tucker Max about his favorite places to misbehave in NYC and the best-selling author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” and “Hilarity Ensues” will reel off a dozen examples. He spent years writing about his misadventures from his Gramercy Park apartment before relocating to Austin, Texas. Still, he knows the city and its easy-to-sneak-into parks — and women, for that matter — well. This is his Bad Boy New York.
1. Gramercy Park, just south of Lexington Avenue, at 21st Street
“My buddy at the time was one of those fancy New Yorkers who had a key to the park. He was out of town and loaned it to me, so I hooked up with a girl [there]. I thought it was pretty funny. You know how f - - king snooty that park is? It was the ultimate finger to those snobs.”
2. Central Park, between 62nd and 64th streets
“I dated a few girls who were into hooking up in crazy places. One wanted to hook up in Central Park in the middle of the day on one of the huge fields. We were just laying there on a blanket, and there was no one there because it was the middle of the day on a Tuesday. I was like ‘I don’t want to do that, we’re going to get arrested.’ She was like, ‘No, this happens all the time.’ We didn’t get arrested, but I was legitimately embarrassed because I’m not 17 anymore.”
3. Lincoln Center bathroom, 150 W. 65th St., between Amsterdam and Columbus avenues
“We also hooked up in the bathroom at Lincoln Center. This was disgusting. It wasn’t sexy at all. You would assume that the [Lincoln Center bathroom] would be like private or nice. They weren’t. It smells like Lysol in there. It was a f - - king disaster, dude.”
4. Pete’s Tavern, 129 E. 18th St., at Irving Place
“They’re all excited because O. Henry drank there. I lived [a few] blocks north, so I’d go there all the time. I’m not a fat dude — I’m in pretty good shape — but the booths are pretty tight. It’s hilarious to watch fat people sit. Even if you’re 20 pounds overweight, you can’t sit in the booths. You can tell the bar’s over a 100 years old because they’re built for people who were like 5-foot-5 and eat one meal a week, or something.”
5. Union Square Cafe, 21 E. 16th St., at Fifth Avenue
“My favorite hangover place is Union Square Cafe. It’s such a pain in the ass to get into most of the time, but Sunday brunch isn’t usually a problem. My buddies and I would stumble in. The waiters there are so professional. We go in there smelling like vodka, and they don’t blink. They’re like 911 operators. They’re just like, ‘You guys want mimosas?’ ”
6. Chumley’s, formerly at 86 Bedford St.
“When you walked in, you could tell the place was, like, a thousand years old. The wood floor was all slanted and s - - t. The bathroom was like four-by-four feet. It was obviously made for a different world.”
7. McSorley’s Old Ale House, 15 E. Seventh St., between Third and Second avenues
“I love to go to McSorley’s, but not because it’s the oldest bar in New York, or whatever. Because that’s where all the stupid tourists go. So when my friends and I felt like f - - king with idiots from Wisconsin, we’d go there and pretend like we were real New Yorkers, even though I’d only lived in Manhattan, like, six months. We would basically act like, ‘Whaddaya tawkin’ about?’ And I don’t look like a Jersey guido. I’m blond hair, blue-eyed. If you’re a stupid tourist, what do you know?”