They’re political locusts, noisy and bothersome as they emerge like clockwork from their hidey holes. We’re talking “third partiers,” and they find presidential elections irresistible, so brace yourself, America. You are about to be swarmed by those much holier than thou.
Their four-year life cycle means third partiers disappear between elections, but, as usual, they are now climbing onto their soapboxes to declare that neither major-party candidate is acceptable to their refined tastes. They alone are looking for the last, best leader of the free world.
The rest of us, on the other hand, are zombies being hoodwinked by Democrats and Republicans, so third partiers are here to save us from our stupid selves. You know, like better angels and public-television scolds.
The noisy demand for other choices is a post-primary ritual, and the most predictable part is that the pols the elitists find acceptable all share one thing: They are unelectable. What a coincidence!
The Grand Worthies on the current list include former Democratic Sen. Evan Bayh, the retiring Maine Republican Sen. Olympia Snow and, of course, the favorite of the field, Mayor Bloomberg.
None is actually running for president, and that seems to be the chief qualification.
They are not running because they can’t win, but in the haughty salons of third partiers, they are more desirable by virtue of being unstained by the verdict of voters.
The psychological tic is mutual to the extent that the pols on the sidelines have found a way to be mentioned as potential saviors, er, presidents, while joining the mentioners in turning up their noses at the current campaign. It’s a club whose members dismiss everything being said by Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, while never quite stating what policies might 1) actually work and 2) gain public support.
It’s not surprising that their ranks include an overlap with those who admire China’s authoritarian leaders. Democracy is beneath the third-party crowd. They much prefer to appoint “experts” of their choosing.
Another Worthy on the list these days is former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman, who did run in the Republican primaries. He dropped out after getting 2 percent of the popular vote, or was it 3 percent? His rejection was proof of his superiority.
Bloomberg reminds me of Huntsman, except he was too smart to run. He was very close in 2008, did lots of polling, researched state ballot laws and was willing to spend $1 billion of his own money.
His decision not to run is instructive: He saw no path to victory for a third-party candidate. Nobody’s idea of the patron saint of lost causes, Bloomberg looked beyond the considerable hurdles of the popular vote to that pesky matter of the Electoral College. He concluded that, for now, the two major parties have a lock on the outcome.
Consider the case of Ross Perot, who represents the recent high-water mark for independent campaigns. He got 19 percent of the popular vote in 1992 and zero electoral votes.
Moreover, the House of Representatives would break any Electoral College deadlock, so the nominee of the party that controls the House would likely become president.
The upshot of all these inconvenient truths is that those of us prepared to make a choice between Obama and Romney hold the high ground as well as the keys to victory. It is our civic duty to decide, and we will exercise it as best we know how.
Those waiting for perfection might remember that, for all its flaws, America’s two-party system evolved by popular choice and thus expresses the essence of democracy itself. As Churchill famously concluded in another time of doubt, “Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried.”
Just not working in NY
First the bad news. The unemployment rates for both New York City and New York state are higher now than they were a year ago.
Now for the really bad news. The Legislature and the City Council are cooking up ways to make it more expensive for employers to hire. True story.
The numbers are shocking. The rate in the city for March was 9.7 percent — up slightly from February and significantly from a year ago, when it was 8.4 percent.
The state as a whole is now at 8.5 percent, and it has the dubious distinction of being alone among the 50 states to see its rate climb in the past year. It was 8 percent in March 2011.
New York is moving in the opposite direction from the rest of the country. The national unemployment rate was 8.9 percent a year ago and is now 8.2 percent.
Given those trends, it is hard to think of a worse time to raise the cost of adding workers when so many already are looking for jobs. Yet that is exactly what is happening in both Albany and City Hall.
State lawmakers are considering a plan to hike the minimum wage from $7.25 an hour to $8.50, while the council wants to require companies getting $1 million in city subsidies to pay all workers at least $10.
Throw in the sluggish economy and rising prices for gasoline, taxes and general inflation, and the salary mandates could give smaller companies another reason not to hire. Indeed, first-time unemployment claims are rising, meaning layoffs are back in vogue.
But have no fear — the laws of economics don’t apply to New York. Just ask the unemployed.
Off the ‘hook’
Imagine you are one of those guys caught ripping off taxpayers at the General Services Administration. You’ve been flayed by the press and Congress for weeks. You’re embarrassed, humiliated and scared.
And now, as you watch the mighty media wheel turn to other news and photographs, you think one thing: Thank God for hookers and the Secret Service!
Tried-and-true MELOdrama
For court buffs, the trial action in Brooklyn Federal makes this the Golden Age, though you need a scorecard to keep track of the gangsters.
There’s a Colombo family drama as convicted brother hit man testifies against alleged brother hit man. There are outbursts as one accuses the other of shaming their late mother.
There’s the case where one al Qaeda would-be bomber is testifying against another man charged with helping him plot to blow up subways. There are tears there and expressions of love.
But for sheer cold-hearted greed, it’s hard to top the Espada trial. Father and son stand accused of looting a health-care empire, which was nonprofit in name only. If the charges are proven, it will be fair to revive an old phrase: poverty pimps. Based on what we know already, the Espadas certainly qualify.
Winners and snoozers
So “winners” of a fund-raising contest get dinner with Obama and George Clooney for $3. What’s second prize?